MARRIAGE V. ADVENTURE

Evening Post, Volume CVI, Issue 112, 17 November 1928, Page 14

MARRIAGE V. ADVENTURE

OLD AND NEW IDEAS IS MATRIMONY A "SPOIL SPORT"? An American journal remarked not long ago tiiat if Lindbergh really wanted to retire from tho hero business ho ought to get married. This suggestion was but one example of a still general supposition that marriage for a man, unless'''entered upon very late in life, must mean the end of adventure and the abandonment of ambition. The very common expression "settle down," which is a somewhat depressing synonym for marriage, implies that as soon as the wedded couple cuter their home all hopes of gcrat success in life fly out of it, says a writer in an exchange. So strongly does this belief persist in, for instance, university circles, that it is not unusual to hoar a young don who lias taken a wife described as "married and done for." In the case of women the same conclusion is reached for different reasons. Until a very few years ago women were not supposed to bo interested in adventures other than those relating to matrimony itself. Tho capture of a husband was the great event of their lives, but it was one whose excitement ended abruptly with.tho wedding bolls. AFTER THE HONEYMOON. After the honeymoon a woman ceased to have any interest for her neighbours, except perhaps for a few days when the.birth of her first child was announced. Once thoroughly established with husband and children, she was henceforward regarded as somebody's wife or somebody's mother, and never as herself any more. As for the few women who wanted careers and were as unnatural as to give ambifion an equal place with love, they must not expect to have, like men, tlio best of two worlds; if they wished to use their abilities and claim the rewards of successful endeavour, then they must forego wifehood aud motherhood, and that was that! This universal assumption that marriage is a door which closes firmly upon youth's bright visions and hazardous experiments is rooted partly in economics. Encompassed as it has been from j primitive times with the strongest so-1 cial and religious taboos, marriage lias become one of the most conservative of our institutions,. and as such has long been a kind of forcing house for tho most rigid conventions. PAr.ENTS' DOCTRINE. One of the most widely held of these conventions is the belief, upon which "respectable" parents aro wont to base their calculations for their children's future, that the really important thing in marriage is not "the mutual society, help, and comfort" laid down by tho Prayer Book, but the acquisition of a household as large as finances permit, plenty of furniture, quantities of new clothes, and a wide circle of calling acquaintances. Marriage, in fact, moans the gathering together of just that typo of social paraphernalia which makes adventure difficult. Whatever wo may think .of the ideas put forward by Judge Lindscy of Denver ia his book, "Tlio Companionate Marriage," wo have at least to thank him for his honesty in pointing out that marriage for companionship and marriage for the foundation of a household and family def> not necessarily the same thing,.'and: tlint even those who marry for both reasons may not wish them to operate immediately and simultaneously. The economic handicaps of marriage have also been too long considered inevitable. They are, of course, based on the theory that every man .worthy of the name must provide for his" wife and children, to the last penny.of their expenditure. A MILLSTONE FOR THE MAN. This in turn has grown out of a tradition of feminine helplessness and dependence which has tied marriage like a millstone rouud a man's heck, aud has made what should, be a daily delight and stimulus into a series of ever-increasing financial obligations. A friend of mine, recently travelling on a Hampstoad bus, discovered that the conductor > ,d been with both Scott and Shacklcton on their Antarctic expeditions. Asked why ho no longer-sought such adventures, the man replied, "Oh, well, you see, I'vo settled down now; I'm married." Like many another husband, ho probably realised that death or accideut to himself would lea.vc utterly desolate and rosourceless, not only his children, but a perfectly capable.and able-bodied female. And this sense of responsibility had brought him from tho South Pole to Colder's Green! The truth is that present-day matrimonial conditions havo built up an enormous burden of expenditure on ilie shoulders of the husband, beueath which initiative is crushed aud stifled by fear. Family endowment has boon suggested as one method of relieving this burdon. The ■ training of all girls for careers and the contribution to their own support by married women who themselves wish to continue their work, ] is another. Where tradition has been ignored, and economic demands can bo met without difficulty, we find many married couples, often with several children, who havo stimulated each other to more and better work after marriage than b,efore. Now that women are individuals with earning power and knowledge of the world, there is no need for the-holy estate of matrimony to be' regarded as life's inevitable spoil sport. If Lindbergh cannot find a wife among women aviators, let him choose a girl who is as keen to succeed in her own lino as ho is in his, and ho will find marriage, not a handicap, but the source of that vital energy which , comes when each partner desires to will the over-growing admiration :of the other. ,