ABOUT "THE HOUSE."

Evening Post, Volume LXVIII, Issue 62, 10 September 1904, Page 9

ABOUT "THE HOUSE."

A BIRD'S-EYE VIEW. [By a Casual CnnoxiCLun.] Tuesday fount! Parliament slill ploughing through the land question, winch had already been so thoroughly tilled, grubbed, harrowed and ro'led, that if it does not yield 1000 bushels to the acre, it will be duo to the climate or to the intervention of a malign Providence. It was curious to see tho array of raro old agricultural implements b« ought out to assist in the good work. Jiverv member had his own particular machine, and each man hoed and dug and scratched wmi an assiduity worthy of the most energetic backblocks settler whose- Herculean feats, in the way of carrying his house and a ton of flour through a trackless forest, ever furnished a Taranaki member with material for a pafifcionate oration. Mr. Jennings informed the House- that ho had \n the week-end travelled vast distances, and had failed to find a single individual who took any interest in the debate Members, however, would not take 'the hint, and went on and on in tireless procession. The day was chiefly occupied by Government members who wore anxious to explain to a bored and incredulous House, that they were not inconsistent in. adhering to the freehold and at the same time respecting their allegiance- to the Premier and his leasehold views. Save for an impassioned burst of rhetoric by Mr. Kaihftu, the rest of tho day was of a dull, uninteresting, brown colour, and tjred Nature gave way at 1 a.m. The " Council had met and solemnly adjourned, in deference to tho alleged death-grapple in "rho other place." Still obedient to the nebulous Sword of Damocles hanging over the head of me Government, tho # Council met and again adjourned in great haste on Wednesday. The sitting lasted only a minute, but it necessitated all the pomp and panoply and labour of the mountain that gave birth to -the mouse. The Council's tender regard for-tho trouble of the other place reminds one that it is' only tho other day that cnveral of the Councillors were using truculent language concerning on© of their number who had inferred that they were • under tho thumb df the Lower Orders. Still they have an excuse. We would fain bo up and doing — but there's naught for us to do Save to rise and ait in silence and suspense. Wo hate the role of dummies just as > earnestly as you : • We loathe this automatic indoleucc. Wo deny tliat we are. creatures — We have said the> worm will turn — {Vide Hansard 0/ a /airly rtsc&iib date) : But it's not to our discredit that we solemnly adjourn s , When wo see a 'Want-of-Confidence , Debate. Of, old the Opposition, when it grasped the reins of power, Would stab the vanquished party through their backs, And clap the hapless Speaker in a dungeon in the Tower, And call upon the Council with, an axe. So tho Council in those epochs took a lively interest In the combat ; and we must perpetuate This fine' old simple custom by indulgence in a rest When they start a Want-of-Confidence Debate. v For it's fraught with dire disaster: it's a kind of Judgment Day — It is full of awful possibilities. And it's clearly sacrilegious to attempt to toil away ( In tho shadow of tho Sword 'of Damocles. It is patent io the blindest — Why, tho merest) toddler knows That it's flying in the frowning face of Fate To think of legislation when the Houso is in the throes Of the dreaded Want-of-Confldehce Debate. In tho House the same old thing was going on all the afternoon, but there were rumours abroad that it would end that day. The momentary joy occasioned by this piece of good news gavo way to a bitter black despair when oome melancholy pessimists staked their gloomy reEutations on the prophecy that it would nger all the week. Happily, their ravenlike predictions were destined to be falsified. Some welcome humour — the more welcome inasmuch as it had nothing to do with the question under discussion, was supplied by Mr. Rutherford, who spoke of the great incomes made by drapers. Advocating tho nationalisation of the drapery business, ho pointed to tho ladies' gallery as ample evidenco of tho vast profits that would accrue to the State if his suggestion were adopted. He may have convinced his male hearers, but, though tho Indies blushed at being suddenly dragged into tho sphero of active politics, it was plain that they did not .sympathise with me humorous member from Hurunui. Fancy the State- regulating feminine fashions! Think of Mr. T. Y. Duncan, day, as Minister of Modes 1 Imagine a Departmental frock — a hat in accordance with tho Act 1 Mr. Rutherford's suggestion opens up limitless vistas of State-produced - and State-nin citizens — of a land where the State oxtends its present shop-keeping operations in meat, coal, insurance, publishing, etc., to every sphere of Human interest. Kipling might vision it through the medium of his friend T. Atkins. Aa I was sittin' on London Bridge, f slept an' I dreamed a while. I seed a man with a bumptious look, an' a terrible 'aughty style. 'E was gazin' at things with a scornful air, an' I sez to 'im, " Oo aro you?" S« '0, " I'm tho bloko from Maoriland, the chap that Macau lay drew," An' ,'c tol' mo facts of 'is nativo land — * a place most 'orriblo rum, A kind of a national bngman — a sort of Emporium. It sells you mutton an' coal an* things, an' it 'elps the rovenoo By actin' as baker an' butcher an' sich, ■ an' tinker and tailor, too. " This clobber," "0 says, "is made by Act, Clause 0, sub-section 2; "This 'at I bought in Qov'mont 'Ouse; this watch, so strike mo blue, " Was made by the Time Department. This stick I 'old in my 'and " Was turned in a big State carpenter's shop, by bloomin' Royaj Command. •'My 'air is cut by a Registrar} an' I pay my weekly rent " To the Public Fund, an' I 'aye to doss in a regulation tent. "The State it says wat we've got wear, to eat and to think and do. "It's a sort of a bloomin' cosmopolouso — it's a mother and father too," So 'c talked with pride, an' '0 put on side as 'c told of 'is Stato Boorow, An' 'o endsx 'is talo with a deep remark : " Those Hompires lonjg ago "They might 'aye stood till tno final trump if thoy'd 'ad a bold Primeer *• 'Oo would deal in chops an' in 'ymnbooks, but they drifted into the rear. "An* I've come 'ore in my Stato 'slopmades' to gaze on the busted domo '•'Of your hold St. Paul's, and report my views to the Shop that I calls my Home." Now this is fine dream I dremp, an* I woke, with the sweat on my brow like dew At thought of the isle where the State may come to be Undertaker too. ,

In the same vigorous fashion as that with which ho awoke tho echoes and ftartled the passers-by in Moleswoith.streot lnsfc week, the Premier whirled about lor an hour in the early part of the evening. IJih speech temporarily woke up the snoring galleries, but it was only temporary, in the course of his .speech he spoko t of tho risk of damaging the credit of tho colony, "which, through no fault of our own, was not so high ;ia wo would like it to bo." Karlicr in tho clay tho Minister of Public Works had told a deputation, which had como all the way from Southland, that there was novor j so much need for Prudence as thero wna noM\ Taken together, these two speeches read liko a definite, declaration of reconciliation with ono of tho Premier's old loves. Ono cun imagine his repentant pleadings. Dear Prudence, I've treated you badly. I willingly own That I'vo really neglected you sadly. And left you alone. ,<But my credit is tangled and tattered, My coin has been squandered and scattered. Receive mo. bewildered and battered, Aud guido me, my own. In my worst days of riot and squander, In my heart I was true ; For I knew that one doyl would wander, Perforce,' back to you, For I Iniew there would como an awaking, When, with head most confoundedly aching, I would hear my strained credit abreaking And bills falling due. Tho days when I'd cheerfully borrow A million or two With never a thought of the morrow Aro vanished, dear Prue. For tho pawnshop has started to taper Its lending^. No longer I'll caper To London, and riot on paper Inscribed 1.0. U. Other maids may bo gay and attractive Whon money is free, And my credit is bouyant and active And good for a spree. But in days when I get "tho cold shoulder" From Britain, and Moses is colder, It is then that, grown wiser and older, I turn, love, to the©. Aftor tho Premier, several mombew kept things going until long after tho witching hour, and at last the end came, with a result that every ono had anticipated. Tho Premier's followers had remained ti'ue, and tho House- expressed confidence in the Government. The debate ended just in Umo to save tho reason of many a weary reporter. Tho Hon. J. Rigg can always bo roliod upon, however, to import some liveliness to the proceedings in tho Legislative Council, Ho did so on Thursday, when ho moved what amounted to a rebuke to the Speaker for altering " slavery " to "indentured labour" in a motion of his (Mr. R-igg's) concerning tho Rand. Mr. Rigg protested in a skilful speech, but his motion was opposed by his fellow members. Mr. Speaker made ft. speech iv his own defence, and, rojoiciug in tho fact that thero was nobody to rule him out of order, broko the Standing Orders by referring to a previous debate of tho session. Ono immediately thought of tho extraordinary situation he would havo been in had he been firm with himself, und had ruled himself out of order, and told himself not to refer to tho debate And if he had been obstinate, and would not submit to his own ruling, und defied himself, he might havo had to call for tho mace and chase himself round tho chamber, and run himself to earth in a coruer and smite himself on tho ear with tho dreadful weapon. Then, being totally incapacitated, ho would have bctn in no condition to order tho Sergcant-at-Arms to remove his body while ho climbed up on his chair again and called on tho next man to speak. And if in the struggle he had, as member, flattened out himself as Speilcer . However, this did not occur. Mr. Rigg left the chamber because tho Speaker declined to give a ruling on a point of order in connection with tho division, and a lively time terminated. The AttornoyOeneral then moved a motion of protest against the pollution of the Rand. He was evidently not deeply concerned over tho matter, and his speech was a poor effort. . During tho afternoon an air of expectation brooded over tho House, for it was odds on that tho Licensing Bill came down. An hour and a half of minor Bills occupied the Houso in the evening', and then the Premier, in a hoarse whisper, told tho Minister for Justice to postpone his remaining Bills. Shortly beforo suppor, the Premier arose with the smilo of tho man who knows that his is tho "a,tar" turn, and the galleries settled down anticipating pleasant thrills. But there wero no thrills. Tho Premier did not shout or wave his arms, as ho did on tho lnnd question, but spoke for nn hour to show that tho Bill whs the most perfect and equitable measure ever compiled. Ho was followed by tho leader of tho Opposition and Messrs. Fowlds and Bedford, who all spoko quietly and in good form — reserving their energies for tho fight that is bound to happen. The Premier gathered up his papers about half-post 11, strolled round tho Houso : for a while, and then went home. The House followed his oxQollenfc examplo | shortly aftor midnight, There was Home wild and humorous dis- j regard for consistency in tho Legislative Couuc^ yesterday, arising from the debate on the question of Asiatic labour on j tho Rand. Mr. Arkwright, prefatory to a defence of our yellow brother, remarked that his own lack of acquamtauce with j tho conditions of South Africa rendered I his opinions not worth 2d. Then he spoko for half an hour. It is surprising how j much language cart bo, expended, how many arguments may bo founded, nnd how many decided conclusions may b» ba.secl,> on opinions worth l^d. Threepenn'orth, in judicious hands, might wreck a Government. The Hon. 17. Scotland, on thft strength of an admitted ignoranco of the subject, aeserted'that Chineye were good for South Africa. Warming j to his paradox, ho protested against our interference, and declared that ho would vote for interference. Ife declared that thero was no slavery in South Africa, and, to make !ii» meaning quite clear, j said thero waa slavery in other parts of Africa as well. The grave and decorous Chamber swallowed it all with greatr dignity. Tho event of tho day in tho House was tlie Liquor Bill. When it was drawn out of the bag and tossed on to the floor of tho House, which was supposed to bo j waiting for it a» a terrier waits for a rat, j no one stirred, and the Bill escaped for j the time, being, and got ■. through its aecoud reading. Estimates en mo on. and found Mr. Taylor in a fighting mood, and the Minister in chargo of lunatic neylunis had a bad time. Estimates — estimates— i and still estimates — all the afternoon and | nil the evening. Members snored openly und shainelcJMly from 10 p.m. onwards, and i\t an early *stngo most of them left. About 11 o'clock thero wns an affecting scene. Apropos of anything but tho Estimate*. Mr. Laurenson arose and apologiwd to Mr. Buchanan for some ancient rudeness, and Mr. Buchanan suitably replied. Touched by such condescension, Mr. Rutherford arose and expressed his regret for having looked severely at the member for Lytbellon. It looked as if a "rot was going to set in, and that the House would dissolve in tears as it apologised for its pnst misdeeds. Matters became normal again, however, and the curtain was rung down on a busy week jiwfc before 2 o'cloc'c thia morning.