WIT AND HUMOUR.

Evening Post, Volume XVIII, Issue 29, 2 August 1879, Page 1 (Supplement)

WIT AND HUMOUR.

Woman's sphere— that she will Dover get married.' f » ' " \ : Approaching a orisil— walking toward* a restless baby. The length qf a lady's train should never be under a foot. c Bruce had recourse to the sword, and] Tell to a bow and arrow ; but when a woman strikes for liberty, she uses any* thing she can lay her hands on. ¦ "I shall awaken in Heaven," wrofco sj fair yonng girl before she took araenio] But Bhe took too much for a death doso,' and awoke with a stomach-pump down her throat. > That was a neat bull one of our clergy, men perpetrated in his sermon the other day. Speaking of Bunyan in prison, he Baid, "No one but his blind daughter came to see him." A Wisconsin girl, wishing to prevent her lover going to California, stole' all his shirts from the line on which they were hanging to dry. He couldn't take a better thing than take that girl along. She will never let him starve. " What a rough fellow that is 1" petulently exclaimed the Hopedale girl after a struggle with the aforesaid Snigginß. "He newly smothered me 1" " Aud did you kiss him for his smother ?" asked the other miss naively. Two darkies were vauuting their courage. " I isn't 'feared o* nothin', I isn't," said one. "Den, Sam, I reckon you isn't 'feared to loan me a dollar ?" " No, Julius, 1 isn't 'feared to loan you a dollar, but I hate to part with an ole fren' for ebber." A Western paper gives this little bit of backwood gOß3ip between parent and child :—"ls: — "Is the howling of a dog always followed by a death ?" asked a little girl of her father. " Not always, my dear ; some* times the man that shoots at the dog misses him," was the parent's reply. It's funny when you ask a man to advertise he generally declines with the statement that nobody will see it. But if you advertise some little caper of his in the news columns gratis, he gets indignant over the certainty that everybody will ccc it. At least that is what a veteran newspaper, man says about ft ' The parson was impressively reading out the words, " There shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth," when a toothless old woman, one of the congregation, mumbled audibly, " Hum ! let 'em gnash 'em as 'as 'em 1" Extract from a Young Lady's Letter.— " And do you know, Maude and I are quite sure that Captain Popple had taken far too much champagne at the ball, for he took out his watch and looked hard at the back of it, and then muttered : ' Blesh my shout ! I hadn't any idea it was that time o1o 1 night.'" . It makes a mother's heart revert to her young days when she comes into the parlor the next morning after her daughter's beau has been around and finds only one chai; ia front of the fireplace, and all the others sitting along by the wall, as if they hadn't been touched for three years. — Boston Advertiser. One of the saddest and most vexatious trials that comes to a girl when she marries ii that she has to discharge her mother and depend up->n a hired girL — Troy Times. But the saddest time for the new-made husband is when the wife doesn't discharge her mother, but takes her home with her. — St Albans Advertiser. First customer (going to be married) : What is the correct thing for me to have for my wedding ? Tailor's Assistant : " Frock coat — blue, with white veat and light trousers. Second enstomer (who in to be the best man) : "And what should the groomsman wear ?" Tailor's Assistant (evidently laboring under an error) : "Oh, the usual livery, Bir 1" A traveller lost on a Yorkshire moor, after desperately pursuing a rather hopeless track for some ume, had the good fortune to meet a member of a shrewd and plainspeaking sect. " This is the road to York, is it not ?" said the traveller. To which the other replied, "Friend, first thou teJlest me a lie, and then thou aakest me a question."