DRAMATIC SKETCHES.—No. II.

Daily Southern Cross, Volume 1, Issue 16, 5 August 1843, Page 3

DRAMATIC SKETCHES.— No. II.

" Is this him, Ctesar ?'' " Yes."—" Then let him be whip'd.'' Ben Johnson*. " We nre na fou, we're nae that fou', But just a drapic ia our e'e." Magistrate's Frolic. (Scene laid in thB early stage of a British Colony in the Antipodes ) SCENE I. j Open air in front of a large unfinished palace. Governor of the Colony, Lords, Gentlemen and Military in attendnnce. Concourse of. people. .A flourish of trumpets. A Herald advances with a large parchment roll. Proclaims. Hejiald. | Our most noble- ?reat-^ood and Sovereign Lady Victoria, Queen of Britain, I Hath in her loving kindness, laid her hands <*>n these Antipodes : and all the lands Of Maori black, or European white, Henceforth are vested solely in her right. Her laws unto, these, realms she will extend, The Native race before, her pow'r must bend. All c;ord and loyal mbjecis lend yi ur aid That your Great Governor may be arrayed And " clothed with that power qn.d dignity Which becomes his office." Her Majesty Henceforth qhall ever have a fost'ring qare Over her people in these Islands fair. » And now I do proclaim that from this day Ye a}\ are under Her Mqs.t British sway. God save the Queen. 1 oaos and Gentlemen. Long an.d happy reign Over us her loyal subjects. Assembled People. Amen. (Flourish of Trumpets.) SCENE 11. The same. Governor takes the oaths of Office. Swears in the Magistrates for the State. Swig, a Magistrate from a" sister state, administers the oaths of office tp the Governor. Swig. You swear that duly and truly the Qu?fn Your Sovereign, yqu shall serve faithfully. Uphold her pow'r in these her distant Is(es And your own dignity preserve and keep. You shall not frame obnox'ous laws and acts That may prove perdit'ous to the settlers, Ruinous and fatal to (he country \nd bring discredit on Hsr M.jenty. Neither shall you spend or w^ste much monies On fawning courtiers and ne^dy men. Keep a careful eye upon your coffers. Lest spending heedlessly they may run dry ; should this perchance occuj, you shall not seize Upon, and sell lands of the old settlers, And by their utter ruin raise 'the wind. But honorably draw upon the mint; And should the Native race infringe the laws, Treat them as British subjects — if you can ; " 'Ji& for Jhejr weal' but jf yon caYt — why then, They must as horrid cannibals ju=;t live. These duties arduous you swear to do ? Governor. I swear, (Takes his seat of office, nnd rising, thus speaks) My loyal Lords and Gentlemen, Justice must be dealt unto our subjects, And to obtain this good and proper end I shall forthwith create a few J. P's., From out your number I have chosen those Who shall a terror be to wicked men, To those who do well — a great example 1I ! (K. doz n and a half Gentlemen large and small, stand forth, all touching a Bible with their right band.) You swear, that even-handed justice shall Be your most aacred rule 'tween man and man, That never before dinner you'll get drunk Or riotous jn public streets be s*en ; That one pound two and Bixpence you will fine Indiscriminately males and females Said by " Tiaps" to be inebriated. That such of you who have not loving wives Shall forthwith marry Native Princesses. That in every thing, your weather eye Wide awake you'll keep, for me your master. You swear to this— just kiss the book. '- J. P's. «- (AH kissing the book.) We swear. (Governor retires to hold a Livee, rest follow.) (Exeunt. SCENE 111. A Cuddy on board an American Merchant Ship, lying anchored in the stream off the Settlement, Captain, Supercargo, aVd Passenger at wine, after dinner. Supercargo. These John Bull Englishmen I calculate Are ridjng it upon too high a horse, That Hock and Soda W at <jr Magistrate This morning told me plump and plain by Jove, "Phafc after eight o'clock at bight, on board My vessel I must stay, ijor b e on shore. I bet one hundred dotfars to a cent, I'll smoke three good cigars in the best room Of the *• New Zeajand Arms'' long after that This" very night. v | Passenger. I' faith 'twere a hard thing To be here cooped up, and riot get a glimpse Of that lovely dark-ey'd Native' Princess i Whom last night I saw you speak so fajr, j You thought' you "had the game all to yourself ' I twigg'd you — and must lay ray oar ia too, ' Cavtatn. And 1 must' go ashore, in case my tars Should from me bolt, so will accompany You to see this wondrous fair, and get her Sweet hand to 'fix me up" a glass of good Brandy ana hot water. With good sticks too, | We'll arm us all, in case those Magistrates ' j Should wish to have a small bit of a spree. — Qn cjeck there — put four handi into the gig. (Get into the boat and pull ashore for the Settlement)

SCENE JV. P.ivate residence of one < f the newly rrrarcd Magl«trates, rpgnling some of bis broiher J. I '-. Timf, three bouts after dinner. State of the paity— half seas over. Swig No longer then ycu'll have (he penal code Of Botany Bay in your f ree 'Country ; For me, 1 must say, 1 do like it much. 'Tis bo convenient, just to award A good hundred ladies to these rascals When they're brought before you, gives no trouble, And oft saves lengthy investigations. | What say you,' good MarlinEpike ? I Makhnspikk. ! As for me, I- I've seen so many lashed at the gangway That now I'm quite accustomed to such work, | N<»r have that squeamishness whjch tome pretend, ! As to Law, I hate it like the Devil, N>r would I read such ttagh as Burp's Justice ; — Njt for my pension^ f i Longsto?. I do fear me much The Settlers at the South (where, snys rumour You are soon to go) will kick against you Sliou(d you da^e broach such s n'imtnts to them. I Marunspikr. j What care I, U'nt H nmy old shipmate ? i Swio. ; Look smart Mousrache, and pass round the Claret jug Of dead marines, as Marjinspike would say, We've made but few Moustachk. Wuh all my heart i'll help You to make more. I have not drank such wine Since I left B— th •. (Enter a Trap, consternation depicted on his coun* tenance.) Trap. The Americans, Your wqrshtps. Swig. Well, what of them ? speak you fool. Trap. On shore your worship, drinkintt and smoking Your worship's, making 1 an awful riot J Swig. 'Twas but this morning tnat Scapegrace I charged On board his vessel stiictlv to remain .' Brother J. P's., your aid I nbw'must seek, That safely in bur choky we may lodge These lellows, who do thus our laws contemn. (AH rise from the table.) Your arm Marlinspike, I prithee give me. We will hnpport each other" down the hill ; The way yoii know is slippy Marlinsfike. And heady Is your wine — so— stbp-— steady 89 you go. LojfGSTOP. Monftache and I will brirg up the rear guard. (Arming themselves with long staffs, and followed by Traps. — Exeunt.)' ' ' SCENE Y. A public street in the Settlement. Swig, Mirlinspike, Longstop, and Moustache, with each others support, and aid of long staffs, retain the perpendicular; followed up by sundry Traps. Settlers passing to and fro. Moonlight. Swig (addressing a Settler.) Sto-op I do command thee In the Queen's name, to a-act along with me As a-a-a special Constable. (Settler slips round the corner of a house.) The scoundrel ! he has given me the slip. (Turns round in a passion to the Chief "Trap.) Sirrah I why seized you not upon that man, He's some old chum of your's, I'll swear— where did He go > Chief Trap. I think your worship, he did dive Into that there particular grog shop. Swig. I do suspect thee very grievously. Chuf Trap. Who steals my purse— steals trash (!) Swi«. That's very true. Chief Tjiap. But he who filches from me my good nqme, Robs me of that which naught advances him (! !) Swio. That's tr,u r still. Chiep Thap. But makes me poor indeed (! ! !) Swig. That latter's very question ible, So look out, lest poorer still I make thee. (Party proceed on. Swig impresses another Settler.) ;«Your services this night I do require, So stand I in the Queen's name Ido command ! Settler. And pray Sir, who may you be, that thm talk'st So mighty big M . . Swig. " See'at thou not ihe button On my coat i" ! ! Settles. Your drunk ! ! ! Swig (foaming with passion.) What ? — you miscreant ! Men, Traps, seizs on him straight, in durance vib Keep him for this nigHkshut fast, tomorrow He'Jl answer for " contempt shewn to our Queen." (Some of the Traps col.ar him, and walk him off to (he chokie.) t # IyiAULIN-SPJKE. In a gin bottle Wow me tight, good Swig, It in a fiinny humour you are not. MoUJiTACHB. This is rather a rum spree, (aside to Langstop.) Longstop. Swig, I think Has inadvertently imbibed too much. (whispers in Mo.ustache's ear.J I think we are more steady than these two. (gives a reel.) CThey arrive at the " New Zealand Arms." Perceive through a window the Americans sitting quietly smoking, and sipping brandy and water.) ' ' ' Swig. ' ' ' (addressing Chief Trap with angry disappointed tone.) Pray how is this Sir Trap ? you did report These men did riot and disturb the peace Of this our settlement.— Oh I 'Marlinsp.ike, UDeasy is the head that wears a crown. So 'tis with us J. Pi., who sport V.R. On cur coat, tails. — To be rais'd from our wine On this so foolish errand — 'tis too bad.

We must do something— else the Sellers laugh A t our expense.— Bright thought I I've hit-it now ; tTue waiter we shall tip, to tell these men To speak outside, and str/nghtway shall them seize, And give in charge forcing thus on shore. What say you to that scheme ? 'MA.RLINSPIKE. Unanimous •Am'l. Moustache and Longstop. And we. Swig. ThenTU instruct the Trap*. (Americans are decoyed out, Pounced upon. " Scuffle ensues. Swig and Lmgstop 'flounder in the mud. ' Traps secure the Supercargo and ■Passenger, and take them to fchoky. Moustache and Marhnspike • cannot find their friends. Go home by a streetalong ■ the %hare. 'Arrive at th<» house df one Dromio.) Moustache. Ho! Dromio ho'! art so soon a bed ? ' The moon has barely ri^en now an hour, j And Ihou in Morpheus' arms art fast asleep, Thou eat'st too much ; thy paunch dolh grow too fast, Come, vrakg-thee up. Ma-rlinspikb. Oh ! Great Tactician 1 • Oh ! Dromio, wise and good I heard'st thou not Of our great domgs in the settlement ? We've been afloat these last two hours in' chase Of an American squadron. Dromio. The town Both ring of your'behavicmr in this Matter. Already if hath reached the ear Of our good Governor. A drunken Jtw Went to the palace, and in cuttie Bark And in nought else arrayed, hath told him all. "He did vociferate so very loud, We had to band him over to the Traps. But where is Swig ? and Loncratop, where ? Marlinspike. We've lost Them both ; methinks that Swig did-get in tow 1 Of some of his own Traps, who took him home. Moustachh. It grieves me much to state that serious Fcsars we entertain for Longstop's safety. . Dromu. Whet-mean you ? Moustache. Just this : that in the scuffle 'His staff*<he lost; and forthwith assuming The horizontal position, no doubt To search for his lost staff, did loose himself. A creek there was hard by — we heard a splashNo doubt Eome drunken fellow from his path Had wander'd, and fallen in ; but Marlinspike Did hear a Yankee, dire vengeance vowing 'Gainst a long-legg'd devil he said he'd caught Just then, fast by the throat. We took four heels And ran, lest we should share the awful fate Which, mayhap, has fallen to poor Longstop. Dromio. ' Come in, and counsel. let us take, whether To his fate we'll leave him. or send rescue. (Enter Hie house of Dromio. Before they find seats, Aeana violent knocking at -the door. A Trap ruahes'into the room.*) Trap. -He's found! he* found 1! Oh"! good news -your worships ! !' 1 >- Up to the knees stuckfast in a mud-hole i Some Yankee sailors pelting him with mud, Nor can he extricate himself. Dromio. Base wretch ! - D'd'st leave him in such plight. Go seek a block And tackle, lest we need to haul him out. Friends;- let us to the rescue. (Exeunt. SCENE IV. ' Police Court — Swig and Mariinspike on the Bench — Traps and prisoners in attendance. Time next morning, an hour later than usual. Swig (addressing the Chief Trap.) The first case bring on. Chief Trap (planing a prisoner at the bar.) This is John Pressgang, ' Your Honors — who refused to act. last night As a special constable— with his aid We might have rescued Longstop from the mud In which he' bogg'd up to the knees — • Swig (angrily to the Chief Trap.) Sileace, We want not your lengthy explanations. ' Chief Trap. To Your Worship insultingly he spoke, i He even said that you were— Swig (in a rage interrupting him;} Silence, sir, Speak but when your spoken to. (Addresses the prisoner at the bar.) I warn you John-Pressgang most solemnly, to obey A Magistrate's command when you arecall'd In the Queen's name to act — else punishment Severe upon you shall be inflicted. (Dismisses the case — Traps bundle off the prisoner with great celerity without allowing him to speak— place another at the bar, a large stout man with a swivel eye ) . Swig. What case- is this ? Chief Trap. This is the person whom Xord Dromio gave in* charge last ev'ning For going naked unto the palace, And telling that your Worships— Swig (in another passion). Silence, sir— ' This case we enter not into. 'Prisoner (interrupting him). 'Lvish Your Vorships to inwestigate the case, Cas I vos not half so dronk as 'em 'ere VO3 as put me into chockie. (At a sign from the Bench the prisoner is removed by the Traps — on going out exclaims,) My heye I vould have proved them drunker than I vos. (Exit the swivel-eyed man.) Swig. -What's next upon the list. Chief Trap (bringing up the Supercargo and Passenger.) These gentlemen 'iTo the American ship belonging .Your Worships — Aat-last night cius'd the riot.

Supercargo. Who caused the riot ? Marlinspike. Address the Court, sir-, And be cautious what language you use here. Passenger. 'Tis strange that those who were in the affray And took u part — should sit in judgement ? Swtg. I'll give you in immed'ate custody If such remarks here you dare venture make. 'Tis not our wish — nor is'i our intention To investigate this case. Supercargo. Sir, we court The most full enquiry — nor do we fear Not only our own innocence to proveBut will-bring forwatd witnesses to swear That 'twas you yourselves, and not we — were drunk. i (Swig and Marlinspike jump up, in danger of ! suffocation from rage.) Swig (recovering his speech). Remove these men — the charge we here dismiss. (To the ' Chief Trap standing with eyes and mouth wide open.) Fool what stare you at ?— I say remove them. MARLINSriKE. The case is dismiss'd. Swig. The case i 3 dismiss'd. A Voice Outside. I say, Jack, is the long legg'd land lubber Find yet, that stuck up to the knees in mud ? Jack. I'm blow'd if he is, and it's all over. (Shouts of laughter— Court is cleared— J.P.'s call i for soda watei — scene drops.