THE CONTRIBUTOR.

Bush Advocate, Volume I, Issue 51, 1 September 1888, Page 2

THE CONTRIBUTOR.

INTERVIEWS WITH LOCAL CELEBRITIES. No. 3.— The Lawyer. After having experienced the erudition of a J.P., as previously narrated, I had an anxious desire to become acquainted with the internal machinery of the law, and with this " laudable object in view I purposed visiting the gentleman who has an office in the "Central Bedchambers," on the main street. There was one drawback, however, which required consideration. (Lawyers don't do anything except for consideration.) I knew that it was. no use going to a lawyer without money. I might certainly have mortgaged my swag to him, but as it had already been " transferred " by me (on my own shoulders), and accordingly been " conveyed," I was liable to the issue of a " caveat," having no "certificate of title" beyond plain Mister. I thought discretion the ibctter part of jurisprudence,, and acted with prudence accordingly. I neither mortgaged the swag, nor incurred the payment of six and ejghtpence', which " Harding's Almanack" tells me is the price of admission to a lawyer's caravan. Tuis was just as well, because I had " Got-hard " up. I was always told as a boy that lawyers were fortune tellers, and experience proves to me that this is not a myth. Lawyers take the " palm " for fingering people's fortunes, and they can always tell whether a man will become rich or poor, so skilful are they in the manipulation of the human index (finger). ' ' , Lawyers, however, are not infallible, and I managed to work the oracle in ■ the following way. I gathered to- [ gether and placed in my pocket several - sheets of music. t The music referred i to something in connection with " Waiting till the clouds roll by," and » with these in my pocket I ventured ' to face the lawgiver or rather the r lawseller. . 1 I said, I have a quantity of notes ' about my person for investment, and [ that I had been waiting for the clouds [ of depression to roll by for some time, I and as it appeared the prospect of the * Maharahara mines was like the " silver ) lining behind the cloud," I thought I I could not do better than place the * notes in his possession. Mr Wilson replied that, being a > musician, he was ciuite in " harmony " [ with my proposal, and that he would : accordingly play my liberal "overr ture " on an instrument that he had , in his drawer. 3 I said a "fife, eh!" j No !he answered, it is a" fi fa," f but as you perceive, before I can play , it, I must '' raise the wind," towards 3 which result I shall be happy to 1 .receive the usnal six and eightpence 1 which belongs tp the " lower gpala "of * charges, I was not yet prepared to 3 to produce my notes, so at this request ' I "quavered" a little before tho J " bar/ and told him I.would " treble " „ the amount on my departure, which f could not be considered a. "bass" i compromise on my part. J^r Wilson is $n adept a,t reading

," between thb lines," being accustomed to " semi-briefs/ and he Was briefly impressed with the idea that he was no "flat," but that I was a "sharp" and " crotchety " person. t Mr W., said I, what is the difference between you and the local newspaper ? fie replied, " because we, are both ' types of enterprise." No, Mr W., tnere is no difference whatever, you are both " Bush Advocates r Oh dear ! Oh dear ! How the spiders shook in their webs when they heard the jovial lawyer's laughter ring through the chambers ! Lawyers know how to have the laugh of people while their clients laugh the wrong side of theiij|Cheek. * •T'felt alarmed for the spiders at first, but there was tio occasion, for each one in its turn soon darted out and snapped up a fly ;, and then it was that I Decame acquainted with the " inner machinery of the law, for I experienced the sensation that I was myselfin a cobweb, that is to say, a lawyer's office. • I asked Mr W. if lawyers knew the ten commandments by heart. He said there were only two that the profession troubled itself about, being those from which the largest profits vi ere obtained, viz., ihe seventh and the eighth. We were " engrossed " in this subject, and conversed long and loud, and I. was entertained with a brilliant " execution," played with "judgment" on. the " parchment " of a drum, and the " verdict " given by me was that I could now quite understand how it was Justice was represented with the " scales " and a drum stick. The secretary; cf the Town Board next door came in, saying that although l^e was an accountant, the. strange noises he heard were un-" accountable," and invited us to have a "Bierre" with him. We drafted the " will " into the "deed," and went to the " Bar " parlour of Mr Allardice's new mansion, where we indulged in " Bass " oprofundo, and smoked " Old Judge " cigarettes 1 Swag.