THE PASSING SHOW.

Auckland Star, Volume LIX, Issue 39, 16 February 1928, Page 6

THE PASSING SHOW.

(By THE MAN ABOUT TOWN.) A CLOSE SHAVE. How narrowly wo mips the grave From day to perilous day! .We save Our lives by inches in the street. Death lurks in everything we eat. And hungry microbes hang about Waiting a chance to catch us out. Our life's a candle in the wind. Threatened by airs before, behind". We sail the sea on planks; we rise On rags and metal to the skies. The motor stumbles and we spill Into the ditch—or further still. We go by train with nothing but The convolution of a nut, A fraction of a millimetre Betwixt us and the Gate of Peter. Though to be sure that .massive lock Does not respond to every knock, And you and I will enter there By just the fraction of a hair. Tribute to Lord Oxford's genius as a public speaker might well be paid by those representatives of tlio Press whose duty it was in pre-war years to REAL ORATORY, report his speeches. As-

quith's oratory was a model of dignity and power; there was never a useless word, never an unfinished sentence, never a misleading pause. He was, in fact, one of the very few public speakers of past .or present days who could be "taken" in shorthand and transcribed word for word. His perorations were magnificent in their sonority. An old-time "Nottingham Guardian" man recalled one of them to M.A.T. It was at the time of the trouble in Ulster, when Sir Edward Carson's slogan, "Ulster will fight," was being heard throughout Great Britain. Asquith was at the time Carson's bitter political foe. He was speaking in the Albert Hall, Nottingham, and towards the end of his speech referred to Mr. Gladstone. Turning to the chairman, he said, "Sir, I do not presume, and never shall, to measure myself with that great man, but I am not without hope that, as the years roll by, the past recedes and the mists accumulate, some Tory orator of the future—some yet unborn Carson —may be found laying a belated wreath of rhetorical immortellen upon 'my humble tomb!"

A cable message the other day stated that the Chancellor of the British Exchequer knew of no legal authority which would permit of the remission of death "NO SENTIMENT duty on the service IN gratuity with which the BUSINESS." British Parliament -discharged, as far as money could, 'its debt of gratitude to Earl Haig of Bemersyde. Those of us who came into contact with Governmental Departments at Home between the years 1914 and 1919 would expect this, but the case of the late-lamented leader of the British and Allied . cause to victory would not be so hsyshly treated even as was the lot of the poor benighted Tommy in the earlier days of the war. M.A.T.'s half-cousin's brother-in-law's brother joined an Imperial "detail" and served with the twelvepence a day heroes through the biggest share of the scrapping in France and Slanders. He said that it was the custom when any of these foot sloggers laid down his life for the cause of humanity for the responsible War Department to send a statement of the. soldier's affairs to the next-of-kin. The soldier may have been in debt to the State —that is, he may have received some pay ahead of the date on which he was killed and in addition to that money, which was owing by the bereaved parents, there was* also the matter of the army blanket which formed the dead warrior's shroud. This was always charged for. It is to the credit of Horatio Bottomly, through the medium of his publication "John Bull," that this disgraceful parsimonious practice was discontinued and Tommy waß given a "free" burial. Even at a later date, while one Department of State gave the officer a gratuity as a token >of esteem for services rendered, another Department was ready waiting to grab income tax out of the officer's little bounty and the nation's gift. '

The visit of the Commissioner of Pglice to the North Auckland peninsula brings to mind a trip to the Far North a good many years ago by a , previous ComA COMMISSIONER inissioner. Those were AND "POP." the halcyon days of the * sly grog seller, and so general had the practice become that the Government declared stern war on it. All manner of ruses were resoeted to by those engaged in defrauding the State of its excise and tariff dues, and business continued to flourish fitfully. But of course the decks were cleared for the Commissioner's visit to the sunny north, and everywhere he went he remarked on the temperate palate of the inhabitants, whose thirst was appeased by the quaffing of huge quantities of harmless aerated waters and non-intoxicating homebrewed beers. One day he reached a hamlet in the back o' beyond and stayed the night at the store and accommodation house combined, from' which pulsed the life of the district. After the evening meal the distinguished visitor was entertained by the host and leading lights of the neighbourhood round the lire at one end of the big store, while the hoi-polloi occupied itself 'at the other end in intellectual communings, washed down by enormous quantities of ginger beer. The Commissioner sampled the ginger beer and found it very good, but on leaving the next day he remarked that never in all his travels had he seen so much ginger beer consumed as in that store the previous evening. He might or might not have marvelled less if he had known that all those bottles of pop had come from a brewery and been labelled for special consumption. One suspects that the Commissioner was not as guileless as they thought him, for the north had quite a flavour of repu-i tation in those times, and several little changes occurred after his return from the land of gum arid big trees.

The joy and gratitude of the working man who hastened to the sale of Orakei Garden Suburb sections last night to secure a.home sfrte away from the heat THE WORKER'S and dust of his daily toil MODEL HOME, would fill a Volume. Imagine the pride of possession in the breasts of Mr. Jack Johnson, of the Wharf Workers' Union, and Mr. Roundwheel, of the Newmarket Railway Workshops, when they returned to their excited families with the news that they had secured the pick of the 18 sections sold for a trifle less than £1500. Mrs. Roundwheel was slightly piqued upon hearing that a neighbour had got a site for about £700, but bucked up considerably when told that their own had a splendid sea view and a first option every morning on the sight of Rangitoto's noble cone, whereas the cheap section merely overlooked the mud of Jlobson Bay and th® city sewer. When the .happy families of these lucky working men meet for their evening orisons 'the beneficent and paternal Covernment that has brought bliss so 'cheaply into their fortunate lives will surely not be 'forgotten. And all they had to pay for the inestimable privilege of getting homo lots in the future model suburb for Auckland's workers was 5 per cent cash and the balance spread over 34 years. Someone remarked that £1400 paid off with 5} per cent interest in 34 years amounts to about £2800, but what if it does? The remaining expenditure is practically nil, barring £2000 or £3000 or several more thousands for building the home, £30 or £40 a year for rates and little other extras, which under the circumstances are not worth enumerating. It will thus be seen that for a trifling obligation of from £5 or £6 a week upwards any working man who desires to secure for himself and his heirs for evermore a home in Orakei Garden Suburb, has only to attend the sale of the remaining lots, among which I understand are the choicest of them all, and the little grey home he has always dreamt about i 3 as good as his.