MERRIER MOMENTS

Auckland Star, Volume XXXIV, Issue 272, 14 November 1903, Page 2 (Supplement)

MERRIER MOMENTS

"Grandpa, what is a morganatic mar* riage?" "A morganatic marriage?, Hik That must be a marriage for money." p

"We've had to dismiss our coachman" "For what reason ?" "Oh; he got too ambitious. He wanted to be paid reg_, larly." ° *

Tommy: "Pop, what is an optimist J" Tommy's Pop: "An optimist, my .on in a man who is married and glad of it"

In a recent breach of promise cas_ the villain of the piece was convicted of writing, "Mi hart beets only for the ml darling huney." That pot of "hunev" cost him £200. ■ ■

"How much longer is this play going to last?" "They're about half through The curtain has just descended on th. fourth frock, and there are eight frocks and a nightgown altogether."

"Percy, if a man were to sit on your new hat, what would you say?"

"I should call him a confounded siEr ass!" l "Then don't sit on it any longer there's a dear."

Employer: Yes, I advertised fpr a ' strong boy. Think you will fill the bill? Applicant: Well, I just finished lickin' nineteen other applicants out in' _» hall.

"When I put my foot down 111 you to understand," says Mrs Nojoker, "that there's something there." Oh investigation it was found to be a numbei; eleven.

"Oh, John," exclaimed the proud mo* ther, as her husband came wearily up the front steps, "baby is beginning to walk." "Good!" ejaculated the midnight martyr. "Now he can do his own fiooij walking at night." . !,,:

"And weren't you glad when Grandpapa proposed, Grandma?" "Why, of course, my dear!" "I should think .so, It would have been very awkward if hk ' • had married out of our family, wouldajtj it, grandma ?"

"James, my son, take this letter to the post office and pay the postage on it." The boy returned after an absence of some few minutes, highly elated, and said, "Father, I seed a lot of men patting letters in a little place, and when no one was lookin' I slipped yours in fog nothing." •■■■■■.;•

Uncle: How do you like your Sunday, school teacher? Tommy: Oh, she's got good sens* She's smarter than mom is. ?n: Uncle: Indeed! So you believe in her, eh? ■ '•■■:' Tommy: Sure! Her an' me thinks alike. She says Sunday school don't acme no good. "*,) j

New Customer: Is that your dog? Hairdresser: Yes, sir. out .'..' .t New Customer: He seems very fond of watching you cut hair. Hairdresser: It's not that, sir. Some* times I make a mistake, and take little pieces off gentlemen's eafs. •

HIS PRIVILEGE.

After a painful operation the surge-ia succeeded in removing from the ear of the patient a bug that had been there fifteen years. "If it isn't dead, doctor," said the patient, in low, tense tones, "Don't kill it! Give me the satisfaction that!* 1

PREJUDICED,

Boras: What do you think of Khv ling's latest volume of poems? ' '. Naggus: I think it's his.'most wonder? ful Bonis: What] You don't mean Naggus: ____i_ition of nerve.