TIPS BY TUPPER.

Auckland Star, Volume I, Issue 296, 21 December 1870, Page 2

TIPS BY TUPPER.

The brandy thou drinkest may be pale, ye will the proboscis it produces be red.

The rose bhuhelh; canst thou wonder thereat when thou rcflectest on the many queer things which are done under it?

Entrust not thy secrets to the young, for doth not new wood split ? Entrust them not to the old, for doth not an old pump leak ?

Accept not, amiable girl, tbe hand of a youth who telleth thee he wisheth to marry and settle : make him settle first, and let him marry thee afterwards.

Flirty young damsel, treat not thy true lover like a bouquet; do not carry him about awhile for show or sport and then pick him to pieces.

The tear on thine eyelash, young wife, may sparkle even as a diamond ; but play not that diamond too often, lest thou drive thine husband to his club.

The fast youth contributeth to the Queen's taxes on alcohol, but misuseth the Queen's English; he saith he was last night on the loose, but meaneth he was tight.

Luminous are the outpourings'of HennikerMajor in the same " den of thieves" (vide Cobbett's Grammar), for cliscoursetb he not ever and anon upon lucifer matches.

Knowest thou not, my son, why Fortune is blind ? That goddess often showereth her choicest gifts on such worthless and contemptible persons that, could she behold them, she would scratch her eyes out for vexation.

Bushels of bosh are talked about bribery, for hath not every man, briber or bribee, his price ? But remember this, O, prudent youth, when thou buyest others, buy in the cheapest market, and when thou sellest thyself, sell in the dearest. O! my son, if Solomon could not understand the contradictory character of women, how can silly folks like unto ourselves ? Do we not all admire retiring modesty in the softer sex? Nevertheless, are we not all captivated by a woman's cheek ?

Young man, setting forth in life, pay proper attention to the fair sex, but beware of lapsing into even stich a one as Jeremy Diddier, for, anon, thou mayest find it much more pleasant to pay thy addresses than thy debts. Young girl of th c period, remember that if thou wearest a tight boot thou wilt have a narrow understanding., and that if thou makest the waist of the body tco small thou mayest make the waste of thy health too great. Pleasant it is, 0, my son, to increase thy tin, but more pleasant it is to receive a lump of belle-metal in this wise :—Take unto thee a good wife, and from thy good father in-law take the good round sum of one thousand pounds on thy wedding day.