WIT AND HUMOUR.

Auckland Star, Volume I, Issue 192, 20 August 1870, Page 2

WIT AND HUMOUR.

A SWARM OF BEES. B patient, B prayerful, B humble, B mild, B wise as a Solon, B meek as a child ; B studious, B thoughtful, B loving, B kind; B sure you make matter subservient to mind,

B cautious, B prudent, B trustful, B true, B courteous to all men, B friendly with few; B temperate in argument, pleasure, and wine, B careful of conduct, of money, of time.

B cheerful, B grateful, B hopeful, B firm, B peaceful, Bnevolent, willing to learn ; B courageous, B gentle, B liberal, B just, B aspiring, B humble, B cause thou art dust. B penitent, circumspect, sound in the faith, B active, devoted, B faithful till death. B honest, B holy, transparent, and pure ; B dependent, B Christ-like, and you'll B i ecure.

"Euphemia," said one girl to another, "I am so glad I have no beau now!" "Why so ?" asked the other. " Oh, 'cause I can eat as many onions as I please." Connubialities. —" My dear," said a smiling spouse to her other half, " I intend to go a-shopping —I want a little change!" "Pooh!" responded he, "that would be no change at all—you go shopping every day!" Swift called dancing "voluntary madness." The Chinese seem to think it useless fatigue ; for when Commodore Alison wat at Canton, the officers of the Centurion had a ball on some court holiday ; while they were dancing, a Chinese, who surveyed the operation, said softly to one of the party, " Why don't you let your servants do this for you ?" Wedding Gloves.— " Let me have the best, sir, the very best!" exclaims a handsome young man to Mr. Dove. " Six pair left!" said Mr. Dove ; " better let me say the remainder, sir." " Don't suppose I want half a dozen wives !" remonstrated Mr. Flowerdale. " No, sir," replied Mr. Dove, " but you. may be so happy with your first wife as to wish to marry her over again every anniversary of your weddingday !"

The Wretch ! —According to Nature, the great horubills, some specimens of which are. now acclimatized in the Zoological Gardens, have a singular custom. As soon as the hen has commenced sitting, the male proceeds to wall up the entrance to the nest, till only the beak of the hen is left outside. He then devotes himself to the sole object of feeding her. Some horrid male creature has suggested that this sort of thing might be imitated with advantage by man—arguing, the wretch ! that as the husband has to feed his wife, anyhow, bricking up the entrance to the house might result in keeping her at home to look after her domestic affairs!— Judy A Hint to Dog Stealers.—Some time ago we had the curiosity to decipher what appeared to be something unusual on the collar of a dog belonging to a gentleman, which was as follows :— " My master's trusty friend am T, And he is kind to me ; So steal me not, lest thou shouldst die Upon a galiow's-tree." In the course of our rambles, we have also stumbled uj on the following : — " I'm collar'd already in brass, So do not a.i;din collar me ; ffc-i* fear it mi ( ;ht come to j;a.cs, To 3nd a fL collar fjr ihee." Widows.—Young vidowc ai; aiwaysb'ythe. They ever meet oa u v.ith a smile and flattering word. Can any one toll why ? Young widovs pay very borupuloua at-bentiau to their dress. None know so.well what; colours, black or otherwise, arejjifited LO.ft.heir,complexion, nor what frjjljftpf millJM, rv serv&JJest to heighten the bejjfiplfrof tLeir fc -m. Their knowledge of thia sußrj'ect they will put into practice. Dqjfeo any one know t\ by ? Young widowe, if at first pleasant, gay, and agreeablo through affectedness, become bj through habit. It is aaid that she who marries a Becond time is a better wife to her second than to her first husa band. Who can give a reason if we have not given it ? Young v/idows are the most charming part of creation—the envy of one sex, and the beloved of the other ; and why ?