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Akaroa Mail and Banks Peninsula Advertiser, Volume 2, Issue 121, 14 September 1877, Page 3

SCISSORS. " What. I have been expecting for twenty years," solemnly answered the Archbishop —"a stroke of paralysis. I have been pinching myslf for the last twenty minutes, and find myself entirely without sensation. " What has come, your Grace ?" eagerly cried half a dozen voices from different parts of the table. " Pardon me, my dear Archbishop," said the Duchess, looking up to him with a somewhat quizzical smile —" pardon me for contradictingyou, but it is I that you have been pinching." Perplexing even to the oldest inhabitant was the first barrel of kerosene oil which reached Zanzibar, as it was supposed to be a new kind of brandy, and some of the natives nearly killed themselves hunting for the point where the drunk comes in. The last gallon was given to the women for hair-oil. Mixed up.—" Perplexities, which are not contemplated at the time, are apt tn arise from marrying three husbands. Is the year 1863 a splinter of Portsmouth was married to a gentleman by the name of Guerney, who died, and to whose memory a tombstone was erected. Mrs. Guerney, however, married again ; and the second husband unfortunately followed in the steps of poor Mr. Guerney, and was buried by the side of the first husband. The widow married a third husband and she died ; but she was buried with the first husband. A headstone was erected by the son of the first husband, describing hi> mother's name under the inscription of his father, and ignoring the fact that she hail more than once tied the matrimonial knot. The living husband, who considered he had a property in the late wife, removed this head stone, and placed it over the remains of the second husband ; and this husband, No 3, erected another head stone over the deceased lady describing her as Ms wife By these proceedings the.deceased wife and the two husbands became strangely