Observer, Rōrahi XXXVIII, Putanga 26, 2 Poutūterangi 1918, Page 7
—You never know your friends. A country paper says,.* "The late Sir C. Spring-Rice .will be interned at Ottawa." —Girls are harvesting wheat in France. Hundreds of New Zealand girls do their harvesting at the allotment branch of the Defence Department. —A charming Auckland girl has recieved intimation that her fiance has been killed in action. She is griefstricken "How careless of him," she sobbed. "Now I suppose they will stop my allotment." —It is an axiom with the soldier who receives a wrist-watch as a gift that there is no time like the present." No present like the "time." —Ninety per cent, of theatre patrons now-a-days are women. It is impossible'' to determine the sex of a portion of the remaining ten p.c. —German poison gas destroys all taste for alcohol in the victim - ; The Alliance will therefore retire to Stewart Island while the Goveitpmeint sends a gas wave over both islands. —Although Parliament hopes to hold a session before the departure of the delegates to the War Conference, Balderstone has not yet given Parliament permission to sit. —A Sydney schoolmaster on girls-' who go to theatres:— "Aesthet&ally they are dead, these chocolate-fed, silk-stockinged sybarites.". And on their knees every night the sybarites thank heaven for soldiers' allotments. ■:• '.■-.. —New order o? precedence insti-. tuted by local : paper. "Sergeant George Julian Howell, who won the Military Medal and Victoria Cross, etc. Another, suggestion for- paragraph; "Both Bugler- Smith - and Field Marshal Jones were present." —Noav we know how wars are won. Extract from "Star." "Police-Constable Kennedy joined the Main Trunk express at Te Kuiti on Wednesday night, and found Guy in possession of 80 battles of whisky." —That New Zealand troops have gone to Jericho. On another celebrated fighting occasion when the troops shouted the walls of Jericho fell down flat. There is no shouting in the New Zealand Army. —If a celebrated appellant against •military service is ever called up his big business must, of course, close up and all the employees be starved. The reason it did not close up during the eight months he was in America are not stated. —The Red Guards and tflie■White Guards are causing tremendous trouble in Russia, but nothing to the trouble caused by the blackguards. —Three thousand five hundred and nine defaulters or deserters are wanted by the New Zealand Defence Department. It will possibly be found that many of them have been killed in action, or are ladies,woodenlegged, in blind institution—or on the Staff. —News headline: "Medical Examinations," "Charges by Medical Man." One hopes the charges were as per Medical Association scale. —The rumour that Auckland bookmakers will donate the whole of the fifty thousand pounds to build the Soldiers' Club has not been denied. —As Mr. Pan- so truly observes, the time has gone by when Aucklanders consider that every successful institution must be within a stone's throw of Queen Street. All the same the lawyers have not petitioned for the Magistrates' Court to be moved to the Three Kings.
—It is not definitely known whether the successful brickyard appellant will refuse service with the colours now bricklayers' wages have gone up. —Newspaper proprietors in conference assembled have expressed their fervent loyalty to the Throne and Person-of His. Majesty the King. Heavens! They'll be refusing advertisements from Germans yet. —The suggestion to electrify the New Zealand railways is too drastic. It is essential Colonel Hiley.be not worked to death... —A celebrated magician at present in Auckland has a habit of changing one pound notes "into fivers. Sir Joseph will leave the raising of the new loan completely in his hands. —Local lawyers indignantly deny that they intend taking example by the drapers and selling at half •-costs." —Australia threatens to grow silk as a national industry. But the silk that grows at Flemington will satisfy most Australians. —Sir James Allen has been repeatedly asked lately when the war will end. As he lias not heard from Captain Malcolm Ross for some time Sir James is unable to say. —The shortage of benzine and its terrific price has suggested the local production of wood-alcohol, but as New Zealand is one vast treeless deser —etc-, etc. —The Railway Department is calling for tenders for tea for its refreshment rooms. And the crop of willow leaves has been phenomenal this season. —Mr ,F..Pirani remarked: "I do hot' think there is a more disgraceful department in the New Zealand Public Service. Itsyadniinistration is rotten from top to . bottom. I cannot .speak too strongly. It is a mass of incompetency from head to foot.' Evidently little Freddie is going to try for Parliament again! —There may be some difficulty in obtaining the service of a new Sti• pendiary Magistrate. Perhaps none of the M.P. lawyers want the job.. —Returned soldiers' headquarters declare that a political candidate who tries to snatch the soldiers' vote because he has been in the C.l. camp is not a "returned soldier." It appears after all that the gargle parade is not fighting. —Germany now desires the allies to cease using gas. But you can't kill ALL the press correspondents, can you? —Another rise in the cost of living is predicted. Royal Commissioners will have to get their wages raised. —The Colonel McDonald who is giving voluminous evidence about the territorial system is Thomas William, late Mavor'of Lower Hutt, and not Colonel C. R. Macdonald, 1.G.5., the soldier. 1 '.. —Tom Mann is writing to New Zealand about a five days a week, five hours a day, twenty shillings per five hours, for all workers after the war. Somebody ought to ask the expublican if he also believes in diluted beer. —Pskov has been evacuated by the Russians. They had been reading a New Zealand paper with the name Wharekirauponga in it, and bolted. —Sir James Carroll predicts a general election within twelve months. Thank heaven it is not to-morrow. Himi will have time to rest. Taihoa. —The rumour of war in the Devonport Borough Council has not been exaggerated after all. They're shelling the paths again. —A', soldier on leave in. Auckland states that he has been so badly bitten by mosquitoes that his uniform is now a perfect fit. ~""__That though the Bolsheviks have ordered the.arrest of King Ferdinand of Roumania, there is no solid foundation for the rumour that they have decreed the execution of Premier Massey or Defence Minister Allen.
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