Observer, Volume XXXVI, Issue 50, 19 August 1916, Page 7
—That Auckland City Council has a new fishcal policy. —That a fellow can't show the colour of his money with the ten shilling notes. —That now the Turkish raisin supply is cut off, Australia will have to be raisin some. —That German newspapers are threatening Holland. But even German newspapers are All Red. —That the butter market is very strong. Perhaps a little formalin or sheep dip or other disinfectant —but there! —That "a light bread-cart" is advertised for. This looks like a case for the Inspector of Weights and Measures. —That thus/ both local papers: "Russians Within Striking Distance of the Bug." Is the insect dead or just wounded? —That at least 500 Leagues are helping in the war. Different to the Crimea, where, it was "Half a league, half a league!" —That, vide the Prime Minister, "Money is even more plentiful than usual." ;Well, if "speech is golden," William is right. —That Fijian recruits might have been accepted but for the fact that the regimental barbers saw their hair—and struck. —That some artists who showed at the last A.S.A. exhibition-, relieved to hear that painters can earn ls 4£d an hour. —That the Kaiser is. engaged in harvesting. "What will the harvest oe _e_ e _ e -e—oh, what will the h-a-r--vestbe-e-e?" All sing! That, according to eminent citizens,, the roads of Auckland are the worst in the. Empire. We've got to be first in something. —That, apropos the price of liquor, licensees declare that "something must be done." Something— not somebody, you know. —That many Irishmen regard the probable settlement of the Irish question with alarm. There will be no grievance to go on with. —That Britannia rules the waves, and those who saw her going to Bayswater in a rough sea agree that she doesn't rule them straight. —That, vide "Herald," "Enemy's Reserves Eaten Up." This is the first public intimation that the Russians are cannibals —-and we don t believe it. —That land is being ploughed to make apple orchards for soldiers. Many soldiers, with experience of the Defence Department, have the pip already. —That a motor car lately had to be dug out of a Hawke's Bay road, only the hood being visible. . This is the last H.B. Road that claims to be as good as the roads of the North. —That a poor strawberry season is predicted, but the noxious weeds inspectors, suburban borough councils and others declare the area put down in blackberries to be vastly increased. —That Colonel Allen is sending a travelling soldier show round to stimulate recruiting. Quite a number of persons pretend to believe New Zealand has. passed a Conscription Act. Flam for foreign consumption ! —That Mr Massey is going to find out why we. have to pay Is 8d a lb. for butter. A good way to discover this is to spend a few thousand pounds on a Royal Commission to say that the reason for the rise is the increase in price imposed by Israel Hooknose and Co.
—That the Cripple Alliance is the new title for the Central Empires and Co. . —That a Taylor should really always try Cutten his coat according to the. cloth. —That the Germans want at once one thousand million pounds. And the price of paper so high! —That the wife of the commander of the submarine Deutchland ; s an English woman. They-call'her-sub Rosa. —That Sir Charles Monro is to take Sir Beauchamp Duff's command in India. In fact, he gets Duff's plum. —That the Kaiser kisses all Zeppelin officers on their return from English murders. It serves the brutes right! —That Mr C. A. Whitney having given his. consent wounded soldiers may now be shaved . Thank you, sir, oh, thank you! —That war is far reaching. Even the troops at Trentham have been under fire. Damage £1000. Good for contractors —what? —That the lengthening of -the. life of Parliament incites Mr Massey to remark that a Seddontary occupation suit 6 him very well. —That Count Zeppelin, the. sausage builder, accompanied a murder party over Britain the other day. May he drop in again! —That whisky will shortly be ninepence a glass, but the water in the breaking down cellar won't cost any more to the breakers. —That the Queensland soldier now in Auckland with the fine emu feathers is his hat. is warned to beware of the ladies. They love feathers. —That Victor Grayson threatens to become a New Zealand Member of Parliament. At last the sufferings of the war will come to New Zealand. -WThat Sir Joseph Ward has written to postal officials asking them to fire a silver bullet. Now we know where Lloyd George got his phrase from! —That a Christchurch "milk, oh" has been fined for selling an inferior article. Didn't, know before that Auckland exported milk to Canterbury. —That a New Zealand soldier in France writes to say that what struck him about a Scotch regiment was their appearance of comfort and knees. —That Wellington hotel keepers will not j increase the price of refreshments. Auckland L.V.'s may also have a similar rush of brains to the head. —That no German goods are reaching New Zealand. That's why a lady obtained a pair of gloves lately marked, "Made in Germany, 1915." Sool 'em, Sam! —That whatever one may think of the military qualities of the Chinese, it is certain that they often present a stiff front and collar the foreign devil and well cuff him. —That Mr Massey, in declaring that the Home authorities have made mistakes during the war surely forgets that Tarn Mackenzie was ouhand if the War Office wanted advice. —That lesser men would, have driven a spike in the new Panmure bridge, but Mr Massey drove a traction engine over it. Next, time he turns the "first sod," he should make it an acre. —That owing to the fact that an Australian gentleman has refused to become Town Clerk of Auckland the Council fears that it may be necessary as a last dreadful resort to employ a New Zealander. —That the oyster season will soon close. The Government is to be congratulated on the fact that few people have been able to afford them. Bellamy's, one believes, was able to bear the expense, owing to that grant on the Estimates. —That the clever citizens who write to the papers demanding that all German prisoners be treated alike might remember that these matters are fixed at the Hague, and that the Hague hasn't heard of Ponsonby or even Freeman's. Bay.