SAVING THE EMPIRE.
Observer, Rōrahi XXIX, Putanga 47, 7 Hereturikōkā 1909, Page 23
SAVING THE EMPIRE.
HOW OUR SIR JOSEPH DID IT.
Tbe Empire's saved I youi- voices raise, And let them sound on high ; Make noises glad, and yell, like mad. And "Hallelujah" cry. Yes, biff the piano wildly, And on the cornet blow. Let praises ring like anything In honour of Sir Joe ! When Britain's might was threatened by The boastful hordes Germanic ; When England's folk began to croak And wriggle in a panic, Who told them ne'er to tremble At any foreign foe ; Who told them ne'er to feel despair ? — Who but our brave Sir Joe ? When Britain's navy threatened was, And clouds began to rise — The war-clouds dun that hid the sun In European skies — At Home they started trembling, But, then, they didn't know A saviour they had far away — Their saviour was Sir Joe., He spoke, and England heard with pride Sir Joseph's tidings glad : " A Dreadnought new I'll give to you ; Buck up, John Bull, mv lad ! From here across the ocean, The Southern Cross below, I send you aid. Don't be afraid, But kindly trust Sir Joe. ".A Dreadnought I will give you noWj Altho' it may not please A certain lot of folk we've got Among our wise M.P.'s. Let Tommy Taylor grumble, , You bet, I boss the show . Like good King Dick. Yes, none can lick Prime Minister Sir Joe. " So take this mighty Dreadnought, please, And two if you require 'em. My critics may be wild to-day, But, oh ! I'll quickly tire 'em. M~ speeches patriotic In torrents fast will flow. And "soon you'll find them all inclined To praise the name of Joe." John Bull he grabbed the cable's end, And gleefully replied : " Your offer, Joe, I'd have you know I will accept with pride. ■ With you as my protector O'er enemies I'll crow, We'll soon command both sea and land — Just you and I, Sir Joe. " An invitation I extend To you across the sea. To London please from overseas Come quickly unto me. For tho' you're junior partner In Johnny Bull and Co., Of all the lot I feel I've got None better than Sir Joe." Sir Joseph packed his little bag, And started o'er the main. Before he went, to Parliament He said : "It gives me pain To leave you here without me, But duty bids me go. For none can pull poor Johnny Bull ■; From trouble, but Sir Joe." The members wept a bitter weep, And shed full many a tear. .They said : " Without Sir Joe about The. prospect's sad and drear. these weeps — 'tis bitter, - t But, still, he's got to go. At duty's call, altho' we all Regret t_ lose Sif Joe."
To London town Sir Joseph oame, With Cassells by his side — Some naughty man had made a plan Involving homicide. 'Twas rumoured that a miscreant Had vowad that he'd lay low And make things hot with steel or shot , For Premier Sir Joe. But nobly for the Empire's sake Sir Joe that danger braved. The Empire's need was great indeed, And swift she must be saved. Said Joseph : "No assassins I fear, nor any foe. Lead on, McDuff, for none can bluff Lord Bluff — I mean, Sir Joe." When Asquith saw Sir Joe arrive, He said : "This is sublime, I'm pleased to see you've come to me Just in the nick of time. Oh, won't our foemen tremble And quiver when they know That you are here. They've learnt to fear Your name, my bold Sir Joe. " Now hasten, Joseph, hasten, •Aiu. g.v_ u_ your auvice. i?'or wflai to uo we look co you, IN or neeu to a_i_ you twice. So let your woras oi wisuoni Upon tne __mp_re how. Yes, !•# us hear your words of cheer, Un, elegant Sir Joe." Then Joseph rose in style ornate, And soon, botn rignt anu lelt, The atmospnere Ms words ot cheer Ancl wisdom quickly cleft. In vain tlie poor reporters Implored mm to go slow. When he goes pop, you ne'er can stop The eloquent Sir Joe. Said he : " From far across the sea I've come to tell you how To keep command of sea and land- In case there is a row. To keep the Himpire standing And boss the bally show, Just keep, say 1, your powder dry, And leave tlie rest to Joe." Much more he spoke in accents bolt, And all the Empire heard. While Kaiser Bill felt very ill, And muttered : "Oh, mein vord I Disband mein mighty army, At building ships go slow. For vot the deuce could be de use. Of fighting mit Sir Joe ? "For tho' a valiant man am I, 'Tis plain as plain can be, Mit Joseph dere I must despair Of trying to boss de sea. Keep quiet, mein varlike people, YH And silence von Bulow. Let's shut up shop — we're bound to drop Before de might of Joe." And all the other nations, too, Knew well of Joe's renown. And so without the slightest doubt They speedily backed down. The Empire stood triumphant In victory's proud glow, Defiance hurled at all the world 'Twas safe ; theiy had Sir Joe. Theii Joseph said : "My mission's ; done, . f^ '' I've saved you, yaUy&ee,.,.,,. If ever now you're in a row, Don't fail to send . for me. Farewell;.! to get that Dreadnought I'm off to Ikey Mo: . So long !. good-bye ! and please' doit'tt try ■■ ■.■-■■• ' -'v ■:; To e'er forget Sir Joe.'.'