PARS ABOUT PEOPLE

MR AND MRS GRATTAN GREY arrived from Sydney, on a

holiday visit to the Dominion, by the Manuka on Sunday last, and intend to remain for about a fortnight in Auckland, where they are the guests of Mr and Mrs Frederick Moore, " Moorefort," St. Stephen's Bay Road. This is Mr Grey's first visit to New Zealand since his departure from the Dominion nearly eight years and a-half ago. During that time he has travelled extensively in Europe and America, and since his return to Australia has been engaged in editorial work, besides writing several works of travel, which have appeared in Melbourne in serial form.

Australasian editions of these works will soon be published in book form. The first two, " With Uncle Sam and His Family : About People and Things American," and "England Through Australian Spectacles," will appear early next year, the publishers being George Kobertson and Co., of Melbourne. From Auckland, Mr and Mrs Grey will proceed to Wellington and Dunedin, and then back to Australia via Cook's Straits. This is the first holiday which Mr Grey has been able to take since his departure from New Zealand in 1900, and his many friends will be glad to know that he is in the best of health, and is thoroughly enjoying his pleasant interval of rest from his literary labours.

John Barr, M.L.C., has broken several records. He broke one or two as a maker of injudicious speeches in the Upper House, but his most famous achievement is noted in the daily papers this week. Mr Barr has been fined 40s and costs for conduct calculated to provoke a breach of the peace. John is one of the last batch of Labour members raised to the Upper House, and his appointment excited some resentment at the time, not because of John's personal qualifications, but for the reason that be had only been about four years in the Dominion. By this time people will be asking themselves whether the short length of his residence here was John's only disability.

Walter Fuller sends a postcard from Stratford-on-Avon, where, like William Shakspere before him, he is having a "good time." He does not mention anything about Marie Corelli, though he spares a line of his precious space to state that the weather is beautiful. Marie has made Stratford famous, but Walter does not seem to have heard of it.

Two esteemed residents of Auckland have been the recipients of a most impudent proposal. Two days after the result of the licensing poll, the head of the well-known firm of E. Porter and Co., ironmongers, and Dr Wine, the venerable physician of Symondsstreet, were approached by the Band of Business Men (by letter) and requested to change their names. It would (argued the Band) do much to remove the temptation from the rising generation if these guileless youths and maidens were never to have the most precious and the most useful things in life associated with the idea of intoxicants, and they begged the doctor and the merchant to change their names at once. Christmas will soon be here, and the poor innocents, after their leurfeit of plum cake, could not be subjected to the ministrations of the good doctor without being reminded of the Mocker ; nor use their curling-irons without danger of being reminded that there is a poison made of malt and hops, and darkened with burnt Bugar ! The terms of the answers are unknown. There certainly is something in names. See how appropriate, from the No-license point of view, is Spragg !

A well-known figure in Auckland commercial circles passed away on Saturday. C. B. Kingswell had long been prominent in the wool and hide market, and his genial smile and word will be missed. For something like a-quarter-of-a century he was associated in partnership with his father-in-law, the late Mr G. W. Binney, -and no long interval has elapsed between the respective dates of their demise. C. B. Kingswell was an Invorcargill boy, and a lover of manly sport from his earliest years. In Auckland he was famous as a bowler and cricketer, and in all capacities made many and fast friends. A brother has greatly distinguished himself in journalism — as a war correspondent in the China trouble, and since as the proprietor of the Johannesburg Daily News and Sunday Times.

Now that the turmoil is over, it may be pertinent to ask what White-Cro9s Bligh wants a boy for. W. C. B. advertised his want in the Herald,

stipulating that the boy must be about The success of the Band is turning the 15. Does he intend to train the youth; heads of some of the players. Counup as a White Cross lecturer, or what? cillor Sraeeton, staid, solemn, H. M. Smeeton, actually perpetrated a joke at the last meeting of the City Couucil. He said the complaints about the condition of the city footpaths were " loud and deep " as the holes in the said, footpaths. We knew they were deep, but didn't suspect that they hummed.

William Johns, J.P.,and the members of the Johns (Remuera) branch of the Lib. -Lab. Association, have met in solemn conclave and formulated their verdict regarding the elections. They consider "that with the exception of Mr McNab's defeat, the position is most satisfactory co the Liberal Party." Is there to be no regret for the defeat of the Lib. -Lab. nominee in City Central? William is not, it is well known, in sympathetic accord with the commoner sort of Lib. -Labs, represented by Harle Giles and Jerry Lundon, and would be likely enough to sniff at any protdgee of theirs ; but surely he must have remembered that Mr Kidd was also the Government candidate and the trusted friend of Ministers. If William thinks it right to rejoice with Frank Lawry he ought, as a true Liberal, to condole with the Premier on the defeatof his Whip.

By and bye, when the Socialists have wiped out the Tourist Department and the Department of State advertising, His Kxcellency T. E. Donne will have qualified to run a show business that will far outshine the best thing that Barnum achieved. He has already learned to put the proper degree o! magic into the words " roll-up, roll-up. :I On his big posters and his scare-beaded advertisements he says : " Come and see the lovely Waikaremoana — the sea of the rippling waters. touring the hot summer months the re.-idents of (here the locality is inserted) require a radical change," etc. , etc. Is this not just a trifle overdoing the State function 1 Or, if not, is it not the business of Dr Mason to advise the people concerning their health ? T. E Donne, Esq., knows a great deal, but the awed public was not aware that he was clinical professor in ordinary to the Dominion !

K. W. Short was a candidate for the representation of the Hutt in the next Parliament, and on the night before the polling he said to a meeting of the free and independent : " I am Kichard Short, J.P., and I want you to make it to-morrow Richard Short, M.P." Just like that. And the electors were equally epigrammatic. They were not having anything "short," and they demonstrated the fact by giving Tommy Wilford a three - fifths majority.

Since the great sporting event of last week, Thomas Gresham has not been seen to smile. He put all hi& money on Alfred, because Alfred had whispered to him and the other Lib.Labs., in the strictest confidence, that he was soon to be a Minister, with the portfolio of Patronage, and Thomas saw beatific visions of a stipendiaryship, with the Supreme Court bench breaking through silvery mists behind. "No more need for hooking dogs," murmured the genial one — " my duty henceforth will be to hookvags." And now the dream is o'er. Albert Edward is not taking over any of the Lib. -Lab. liabilities.

" Alec " Young is wondering why it waa that the Tauranga farmers didn't roll op and vote for him. Has it ever occnrred to Alec tbat he worried them a little too much with conundrums? The average farmer is a plain, honest, illogical person, who likes to know exactly where he stands, and he could not be sure that his ratiocinative faculties were just what they ought to be after hearing one of Alec's orations. In the course of his big full-dress speech in the Opera House (or whatever it is) in Tauranga, the LiberalFreehold Candidate complained that his foes had accused him of saying in other parts of the electorate that the Tauranga country was infected with sheep and cattle diseases. What he did say, he explained, was that some parts of the electorate were infected, etc.

That was all right, and Alec should have left it at that. Unfortunately, he descended from generals to particulars, thus : — " In the Arahiwi district, for instance, it was a problem which the settlers were much concerned over how to keep their cattle continuously in the district without the necessity of removing them." This must have broken up the audience. Many a lusty farmer, on hearing that portentous sentence, must have pinched himself to be sure that he wasn't dreaming. It would seem easy enough to keep a cow at home, but how to keep it at home without sending it somewhere else is a problem that Alec will have to solve to the satisfaction of all parties before he again opposes William Henry Henries. W. H. never puts a poser like that to a farmer.

Mrs William Jones, who died at Hamilton a few days ago, at the age of 75, was the wife of one of the pioneers of that thriving town. Mr Jones joined the Ith Waikato Militia at the beginning of the Maori War in the early sixties, the regiment which numbered the late Captain Steele and Captain Beere amongst its officers, and the late Mr John Knox amongst the non • corns. Mr Jones was. an active participant in the local government affairs of the borough for many years, associated with Isaac Richardson Vialou, Richard Gwynne, Dr Beale, Captain Dawson, and many others who have passed away. For many years he has lived in retirement, but his sons have taken their place in the commercial life of the district. A brother of Mr Jones was a Bishop of the Roman Catholic Church in Canada.

Fred Pirani, ex-M.H.R., runs the local paper in Feilding, and he also sits on the Bench as a Jay Pee. On Election night there was a tumultuous throng of some dozen and a-half of anxious electors around the paper office waiting to hear the results. Into this dense crowd a gentleman playfully threw a ripe egg, and the inference is that it bit the redoubtable Fred on the nose ; because, next day, in association with another of the Great Unpaid, he fined the thrower £5 and costs. It seems a pity that J. W. Taylor, M.A., hasn't a seat on the Bench.

George Hutchison, formerly M.H.R. for Patea, and rejected at the second ballot for Wanganui, is known to be somewhat of a humorist. Some years ago he invented a Chinese automaton, to which he gave the name of " Bun Tuck," and by the aid of which he was enabled to tickle the ribs of the late lamented Mr Seddon. It is not easy to know whether George is joking or whether he is in deadly earnest. One cannot be sure, for instance, that the charges which he brought against A. E. Remington during the Wanganui campaign are to be taken in a literal or in a Pickwickian sense. So far as is known, A. E, Remington, who had a pretty tough battle to tight against Robbie Smith in the Rangitikei electorate, had not interfered in Wanganui, but probably the fact that A. E. is a strong Government supporter was enough to whet George's appetite for scandal.

If George is right, things look ugly enough for A. E. Remington, who himself poses in Parliament as a lover of purity and a hater of Meikle and all his works. George's story, backed by what seems to be valid documentary evidence, is to the efiect that Remington used his political influence to push through a little transaction in Maori land at Utiku, near Taihape, and charged the beneficiary £20 for the job. Of course, the Member for Rangitikei may say that what be did was in his capacity as a private individual, and that it was open to any common outside person to do the trick if he knew the ropes. But, if the facts are as George Hutchison puts' them, there will have to be some inquiry. A. £. Remington should ceri&inly be provided with an opportunity to put himself right with the public.

The dog-owners of Auckland have reason to look with gratitude upon Albert Edward Glover, M.P., because it was that gentleman who was the means of getting the price of dog licenses reduced from 10s to ss. Nevertheless, sense of gratitude appears to be a missiug quantity in the canine bosom. While Albert Edward was pursuing his pre-election peregrinations, he knocked at the door of a house in which a small, but fierce, dog resided with the .family. The lady of the house opened the door, and the dog, being an abandoned creature, sprang out and bit Albert Edward od the leg.

Albert Edward was equal to the occasion. " Madam," he said to the dog's owneress, "if that dog only knew it, be has more cause to be grateful to me than to bite me ; for it was 1 who got the price of the dog licence reduced from 10s to 55." And the lady waß so struck by Albert Edward's reasoning, and also by his urbane manner.'that she promised him all the votes in the house, although the inhabitants thereof were staunch Kiddites. We have heard of a mousg assisting a lion, but, in this instance, a dog materially assisted a Parliamentary candidate.

H. J. Greenslade, M.P., was in town this week seeking a little recreation at the Education Board's meeting after the strenuous labours of the Election campaign in Waikato. By the way, Harry does not admit that the campaign was strenuous. He declares that he never turned a hair. But then he runs a motor car, and it is quite impossible to turn the points of one's mustache even when whirling along in that kind of conveyance. One of his predecessors, in the representation of the district, the late Mr McMinn, had a much harder task to accomplish. .

There were no automobiles in the early eighties, and few roads upon which they might have been used. Buggies were out of the question more often than not. McMinn upon one occasion hired a hack at a Hamilton livery stable and started fox Tuhikaramea. But he had not got as far as Frakton before the geegee stuck him up. There was nothing to be do out to lead the animal back to the stables and to lodge a. complaint. " He won't carry me," said Mac. "No," said the groom ruefully, looking down at the candidate's number thirteens, " I should say not. He isn't broken to running in shafts."

Although A. J. Entrican spends most of his time in the unromantic atmosphere of cheese, butter, and coffee, and other more or less fragrant articles, his bump of chivalry has been by no means stunted in its growth. This was clearly demonstrated last Tuesday evening, when Andrew J. boarded a Ponsonby car. The car was fairly crowded, but Andrew succeeded in getting a seat, and sat himself down with that bland smile that he generally turns on after business hours. At the next stopping place, half-a-dozen ladies, accompanied by fifteen parcels, skirmished on to the car, and, since there were no seats left, these uear creatures were left to clutch straps, their back hair and their parcels simultaneously.

With a courtly bow, Andrew arose and presented his seat to the nearest lady. •- But that was only the beginning of his troubles. Thirty-three seconds afterwards, one of the ladies

dropped four parcels, one umbrella and a smelling-salts bottle. The other nasty, rude men sat still and looked the other way. ' But Andrew is made of sterner stuff. Although the oar. was rounding a curve at the rate of 85 miles an hour, more or less, Andrew boldly let go his strap, collected the various packages, and returned them to the bereft female. Hardly had he become perpendicular again, when another lady dropped a bonnet box, a peggy-bag, and the inevitable umbrella. Again Andrew made a heroic dive ? and again he succeeded in recovering the property and restored it to its owner. And then his troubles ended. Several seats became vacant, and Andrew dropped into one of them with a sigh of relief. City Councillors really shouldn't imperil their lives in this rash fashion. They're too valuable.

The old hands are dropping off. Soon there will be none living of those who took a practical share in the building of Auckland. Two old residents to whom this remark applies in a literal sense, Messrs Heron and Lye, have passed away during the week, that one at the age of 92, and the> other short of that patriochal total by ten years. Both, belonged to the strenuous 'forties, when life was lived, and not enjoyed, as it is in these days of luxury. Beginning with a residence in tent and whare, these old pioneers have left behind them enduring monuments in the shape of the finest buildings in th« city.

Rev. J. Kennedy Elliott, of Wellington, deeply laments the smallness of the attendance at church. In England, he humorously remarks, there are Churchmen and " dissenters," while in New Zealand there are Churchmen and " absenters." Parsonical -witticisims are usually weak, but this is very weak. Does Mr Elliott want us to infer that the ' ' absenters ' ' are not Anglicans ?If so, he will find him in direct conflict with Bishop .Neligan. Mr Elliott's remedy is to distribute literature on " Sabbath Observance." " The Devil," says the worthy Wellington pastor, "is still afraid of printer's ink. It is quite evident that Mr Elliott is not afraid of Er inter' s ink, else he would hesitate efore he committed so many of his unrevised thoughts to it.