Tit. Bits And Twaddle
Observer, Volume XX, Issue 1142, 17 November 1900, Page 15
Tit. Bits And Twaddle
Nice way some women have of putting it. Two of them were talking at a sale of work the other night, when one remarked to the other that ' her husband had been enjoying very poor health of late.' A toapier chemist advertised the morning before Gay Fawbes Day that he would give piizea for the best two guys of Kruger. The next day he was besieged in a way that put Mafeking in the shade, and he wound up by giving them all prizes to go away. Never again, he Bayß. ' Prepare a back seat for the Auckland Jay Fees, and let one at least of their Hofeitika brothers go up one. This particular Justice had before him last week a case in which the two lawyers engaged began to quarrel, and one of them made fun of the other's grammar, whereupon the Bench rose and said, ' Mr Parkina, if you are one of them what thinks grammar runß this Court, you are barking up a wrong tree. If I hear any more such remarks, I'll fine you five pounds.'
An ex-colour sergeant of the South Wales Borderers was desirous of enlisting in the Imperial Yeomanry, but was met with the astounding announcement that an essential preliminary would be the abandonment of his army- pension. He at once replied, ' I don't mind being shot, bat I object to pay for the luxury.' ' Faithful to the last ' may well be written of a sheep dog at Marlborough. The fiend who, for sake of convenience may be called its master, had so cruelly ill-treated it that an action for cruelty ensued, and a heavy fine, was imposed. The master was confined in the celte until the fine was paid. Meanwhile the dog refused to leave him in his trouble, and remained whining at the door leading to the cells and was only got away with the greatest difficulty. Yet when the dog was found it was lame and bleeding from the savage blows. It doesn't always do to be taken at your word, as a Christchuroh dealer in bikes has just found out. A man entered his shop, it appears, and, pointing to a machine on show, said that was the kind of bike he wanted, but it wasn't strong enongh. ' Strong enough I' retorted the dealer, with a look of indignation ; ' why, it would carry five men.' Thereupon a trial was arranged. The bike was taken to the back-yard, where it was promptly climbed upon by five men who had happened to be passing and were called in. The machine shivered, swayed, and then collapsed on the ground. When the rueful quintette had been disentangled from the ground, the intending purchaser remarked, ' I knew it wouldn't do for me,' and walked off, and the dealer laid to his heart the first half of the first sentence of this par.