"Pars ABOUT PEOPLE
Observer, Rōrahi XVI, Putanga 905, 2 Haratua 1896, Page 18
"Pars ABOUT PEOPLE
Da Laishlky, M.A., Ph.D., and hia celebrated autograph biography, are likely to be figuring in the small debts court within the next week or two. The City Council has resolved to defend the action which its printer purposes bringing for the recovery of that debt of £133, and the eminent doctor will furnish the chief evidence for the plaintiff. Then, we shall have Mayor Holland and Town Clerk Philips for the defence. The case ought to be as funay as a Chinese hurdle race. But talking of ' Dr. Laighley, M.A.' When did the eminent doctor pass the.M.A. examination ? We. never heard of his having done ao. Is his degree of M.A. not purely an honorary one, conferred upon him in Germany or somewhere else, aUd*,- if 5 " so, is it not very cheeky of him to constantly stick the initials after his name just as if he had really passed such an examination ?
Mr Wm. Cooper, Municipal Magistrate at Apia, Samoa, is said to be tired of life in the tropics, and to be contemplating an early return to the colony. In that event Bob Skeen, we are informed, will be promoted to the vacant beach.
Mr G. Edgecumbe, of Whenuakura, is nursing a grievance. He has just informed the Wanganui Education Board of the particulars. It seems that the teacher of the local school had lately had the scholars photographed, and had compelled Edgecumbe junior to hold a slate over hishead with the word ' Dunce ' written upon it ; and then the photographs were sold to the public at Is each. The very funny teacher is now requested for a full explanation of his pawky joke.
The last hours of Sir Henry Parkes were disturbed by the question of which of his several wives he ought to be interred beside. Bir Henry elected to lie beside the first. The last Lady Parkes will have a title and nothing to maintain it upon. Probably she will have to go out to service to earn her living, in which case the honour of having a titled lady to perform the domestic cooking or washing ought to prompt some wealthy parvenu to pay a good weekly wage for her services.
Eugene, the Wellington prophet of evil, has gone into the faith-heafing business in Chicago. The same week that he arrived in Chicago he persuaded a fascinating widow to pay him 1,000 dollars in return for arranging an l interview ' between herself and her late hubby. The money was paid over, but although the spirit was willing the flesh (Eugene's) was weak and the dear departed didn't show up.
Mr Eastwood, the proprietor of the Pitt street merry-go-roand, is delighted with the free advertisement which George Perry, the Temperance lecturer, gave the show last week. He has called upon us and askei us to inform George that he has been put on the free list forever, and may go round to the merry-go-round any night he is off duty and have juat as many rides as he likes, and all for nothing. We congratulate George on his luck.
Sir Henry Parkes is dead. The erentnat mistake of his whole life was tha?o?lfvk>g ten years too long. K
a J Chambers, janr , finding that the Auckland Amateur- Opera Club didn't fall to pieces when he withdrew the light of hia pretty .countenance from it,-was sorry he ever left what was. palpably such a good thing for himself . £nd when the secretary, ship again became vacant a week or two ago, Cholly condescended to indicate hia willingness to" accept tire - position once more if he was only asked in the right way Coaxing was what Cholly wanted. But the Society didn't want Cholly It had had quite enough of him, and so nobody asked him. He has now aßked himseli, and, at the moment of writing was working up the sympathies of his friends with an eye to the vacancy. The general feeling is, however, that Percy Dix should be appointed to the secretaryship, and there is very little doubt that he will;
The Hon. Geo Jones, M.LC., 'who runs the Oamaru Mail, has just dug out of hia f™ r p y.,f n °W atory about tie late Mr E. T. Gillon. who died last week. And thia «- hO w*M® Ho^ Geor « c te "Bthe story :- Sir William Fox, then Premier, was to deliver a great speech in Dunedin, and to aid him a set of figures were telegraphed to him by the Colonial Treasurer, Sir I.'1 .'- T - heae figtires did not fit in with Sir William a purpose, and he amended >1& V c ? ,$ h £-. fi S Qr es. as usual, were published, Mr Gftlon challenged their accuracy, and said plainly that they were not those which had been telegraphed to him supporting his allegation by sending the actual figures as telegraphed to the Daily Times. Sir William Fox was terribly enraged, and publicly stigmatised Mr Gillon as 'a double-dyed scoundrel.' For that expression he was brought to account but he got- out of the difficulty by explaining that the term he had used was doublet J ed 4 .£ nd that it; w as only used to illustrate Mr Gillon's usual penetration.
Hagh Shortland has been under a cloud for some time past, but he has bobbed nn serenely once more. The resurrection took place at the annual meeting. of the JKemuera School Committee on Monday night last. The householders were about to proceed to ballot for the election of a • committee, and someone ferretted out the ballot box, and exposed it to public view to show that it was quite empty. But lo and behold, it was found to be stuffed full of voting papers, and they were - promptly thrown out. This brought Hugh " to his feet in indignant remonstrance • ' You must not throw those paper° away ' ; he said. ' They consist of 200 votes, which f have been given by the leading people of : Eemuera,. They are voting to put me : on the Committee because I am in favour ■ of Bible reading in schools.' However • the papers were kicked aside all the same and Hugh left in great dudgeon, after threatening legal proceedings. The ballot was then proceeded with, and not a single vote was cast for the Bible-in-school's advo- ' cate. We are now looking forward to those legal proceedings.
Nicolas Plamore ie an artist from Italy who plays the harp in city streets for the stray coppers of those who subsidise him to move on. But he has just come to grief at Chriatchurch. He was brought up before the Court under the Children's Protection Act, for taking abont with him a little girl of twelve named Edith Emily Taylor, to sing and carry round the hat while he played. Nicolas pleaded ignorance of the law, and explained that he boarded with the child's mother, who was an invalid, ana that the child was singing to raise money to pay the rent . The harpist was convicted and discharged, but the girl was remanded in order to be provided for.
Mr E. Ifwerson, traveller for Messrs Sargood and Co , has just been made the recipient of a novel presentation He was a passenger down the coast on the last trip of the Dingadee, and being a rather nervous sailor, he got a bit of a scare at Tuparoa and Waipiro by reason of the high sea that was on. Some of his fellow-passengers noticed this, and, therefore, having nothing better to do, they resolved to present him with a potato medal. One of the stewards very artistically pared a potato into the similitude of a medal, and a lady passenger obligingly made up a rosette, and worked on the pendant ribbon, to which the ' murphy ' was to be attached, the legend 'For Valour,' wifeh the recipient's initials and the date. A fellow ' commercial ' completed the preparations by writing a gorgeously complimentary address. Ifwerson, by various subterfuges, waa kept on deck until the address had been numerously signed, and then he was asked below. He found the table quite full, and the only vacant chair had been reserved for him. Then the presentation ceremony began, and, like the sensible man he is, Ifwerson heard the address right through and allowed them to pin the medal on his breast. He entered fully into the spirit of the affair, and after all, the jokers did not take so much change oat of him as they anticipated. He has got the medal, and means to keep it as lone as the potato will last., :
Rev. William Birch has been heard from. He is in San Francisco, arranging the basi? of his great peace federation, by which all international disputes are to be settled by arbitration and without war. The Rev. William has resolved to devote his life to the work of. persuading Great Britain and the United States to become parties to this federation. What a pity he didn't start a bit earlier. He has labour enough before him to occupy half-a-dozen lives
Ex-Mining Inspector Gordon says the syndicate by which he has been engaged does not intend to take up claims and work them itself. It will simpiy float mining properties that are worth taking up. The capital of the company is practically unlimited, and there is no occasion in the company's transactions to wait for money coming from Home. The money is available in the colony, jfxye, and the colony is ready for it, Mr Gordon. Trot it out.
Mr McGowan, M.H.R., made a slight mistake at the Thames the other day. The joint committee of the Borough and County Councils had met to discuss the question of meat and milk inspection, when in walked James, looking as fresh as paint, and took a seat at the table, to the amazement of everyone. As the business developed Mr McGowan coughed uneasily, and then said, ' I think I am under a misapprehension. I have nothing to do with meat and milk inspection ' It then transpired that Mr McGowan had imagined he was among the Brunner -Relief Fund Committee, whose meeting had come off several hour* previously. How, if that incident had happened in Wellington, a serious injustice would have been done to the member for the Thames by setting it down to the account of Bellamy's.
McNeil, the itinerant evangelist who was through New Zealand awhile ago, lectured at Warrnambool the other night, and made a savage attack on the Stock Exchange. He said he knew a gentleman who paid £1400 for a seat on 'Change and forfeited it because he found that to hold it was totally inconsistent with his professions as a Christian. And now the Mining Standard says emphatically that nothing of the sort has ever taken place. From which it would appear that evangelists resemble poets in the sense that they must be allowed a certain amount of license.
The London correspondent of the Christchnrch Press has been telling his readers of a visit paid to him by Mr E. W- Monk, late M.H.8., of Auckland, who had just returned from South Africa as one of Dr. Jameson's troop. Mr Monk was looking remarkably well and ' fit ' to the veracious Rons- Marten, and gave him a vivid account of the famous raid, in which he was one of Participants. But Rous-Marten is wrong, t was Ernie who called upon him — Ernie, the hero of the election campaign ; Ernie, who sat with his arm around the ample form of Eliza Rice and sang • Rule Britannia ' after she. had obliged with the * Dear Little Shamrock.' Richard, the ex-M.H.R., is still in Waitemata, wooing the suffrages of the electors, and hasn't looked particularly 'fit' since his spill on the National Ass. at the last Auckland City election.
Robert Upton is a growing lad with a full-grown appetite. He belongs to "Wellington and has just leaped into fame and popularity down there by backing himself to eat a leg of mutton. The feat came off in a blacksmith's shop, before a large and highly select company. At the last moment, the other party to the wager backed out, but Upton sailed into the mutton all the same, so that his reputation as a glutton should not suffer. The leg of mutton weighed 12 lbs and contained lOJlbs of meat. The boy munched away at it for an hour and thirty five minutes, by which time only a few pieces of fat remained. He had also polished off three pints of lemonade and several hunks of bread. When he had finished, he merely remarked that the meat was ' bloomin' tough ' and that his jaws were aching, and the only noticeable change in him was a decided increase in width. The audience, who must have been extremely hardup for entertainment, passed round the hat on the boy's behalf.
The news of Rev. L. H. Outram's death in London caused much surprise in Auckland, in view of the fact that he was only in his 34th year. But it was known at the same time that he had been in delicate health. When he was in Auckland, he frequently suffered from fainting fits, and one of these overtook him in St Matthew's Church at service time one Sunday, causing much commotion. It was thought here that his heart was affected, but it transpires now that the trouble was in his head, and was caused, it is thought, by a blow from a cricket ball some years ago. Mr Outram filled the position of incumbent at St. Matthew's for a year, but his health was not equal to the work. He was a nephew Qf the late" Sir James Outram, the'' lndian warrior, and was betrothed to a Miss Cummane, of Auckland.
Miss Heppie Death was married at Waitotara last week; to Mr Ralph Druminond, of Wellington. Most men are afraid of death, but not so Mr Drnmmond. He takes his in an agreeable form.
Pastor Blaikie shakes the dust of the Baptist Tabernacle from off his feet this month. He has been called elsewhere. The young ladies of the congregation are hoping that he will be succeeded by another Spurgeon, with an unsatisfied hungering after wool slippers and smoking-caps, and an inexhaustible fund of racy anecdotes. The Rev. Tommy always was entertaining
Mrs Williamson, of Wanganui, who presided at the recent Convention of Women, is put forward by an admiring reporter on the Dunedin Star as a lady singularly qualified for the position of Speaker of a Women's Parliament, if one should ever be formed. " She is well versed in procedure, is strictly impartial, and displays dignity and confidence worthy of a Sir Maurice O'Rorke." Just think of that now. But it will weary the patience of Mrs Williamson to be compelled to wait for the distinction that is her due until a Women's Parliament is formed.
The domestic troubles of Mr and Mrs Roadley were ventilated in the Divorce Court at Wellington, last week. The lady was a trifle flighty — not to say giddy— and rather lavish in the distribution of her affections. Roadley stood the naughtiness of his frail spouse till it became too much of the monkey, and then he appealed to the Divorce Court, coupling with his complaint the names of W. J. Ball and P. Duncan. Mr Ball, however, explained himself to the satisfaction of the outraged husband, and the evidence failed to fix the fault of the lady's infidelity on Mr Duncan. Both gentlemen were therefore allowed to stand out. But the indignant Roadley got his divorce all right.
Mr J. Thomas writes to ns from New Plymouth to say how much he relished Mrs Endean's story of the bogus pork-pie which was related in our last issue. He adds : — ' It was very funny that I should hear about it after so many years. I was boarding at the same house as Hookey White at the time he won the raffle, and helped to poke no end of chaff at him. In fact, he practically lived on chaff for weeks afterwards. Those were jolly times in the golden days of twenty years ago at the Thames,, and we were a jolly company at Mrs Kate's Rose Cottage, opposite the goods wharf. I really enjoyed being carried back to the old times, and wished I could live them over again.'
Uobert Wallath, the Hew Plymouth highwayman, is finding it not so easy to get oat of gaol as it was to get in there. •His friends, to the number of one thousand, have approached the Cabinet on his behalf by petition. But 'twas all in vain. Ministers were not equal to the responsibility of turning loose upon the community a young' man who • went round the district armed in mail and firing off revolvers jußt for the fun of the thing. And so the request was refused. Wallath has still about eight years of gaol before him.
Rev. George Bond will be in danger of excommunication from the Wesleyan Church if he does not modify his sentiments. He assumed charge of the Wesleyan Church at "Wanganui last Sunday week, and in his opening sermon pleaded for breadth of view, catholicity of spirit, and a generosity to be shown to" those who differed from. them. They had no claim to a monopoly of the truth ; they could not say ' The temple of the Lord, the temple of the Lord are we.' They hailed as brothers men of every shade of religion. This is a very manly utterance. But will the Conference endorse it ?
Premier Seddon ia the. hero of the following pretty little story related by the Spectator :— -He was "'leaving the Parliamentary Boildibgs the other evening, when a small boy stuck him up with ' I wish to speak to yon, Mr Seddon.' ' And what do you want ?' said the great man, kindly. ' I want you to give my sister a billet, sir.' ' Why didn't your sister come to me herself ?' asked the Premier. ' She didn't like to, sir. We are in great trouble at home, and when I heard mother say " If only Mr Seddon would do something for Sis we should be all right," I thought "I will go and see Mr Seddon." ' ' Well,' said the Premier, ' you go borne and tell your sister to come and see me.' The. small boy went on his way rejoicing, and the next day his sister, a neat, clean, tidy girl, interviewed the Premier and told him a sad story of how the family had been burnt out of house and home and had lost their little all. The girl finished her story by hoping that her little brother had not done wrong by stopping the Premier in the street. ' Certainly not.' was the rejoinder. ' And,' said the Premier, ' I admire the little fellow's pluck; the pleading look on his upturned face impressed me so much that I felt it was a case where help was needed.' Jim's faith in the Premier 'Was not misplaced, md shortly Jim's sister -will be found employment. There is the makings of a persistent political billet - hunter in the youthful Jim himself.