Observer, Volume XI, Issue 654, 11 July 1891, Page 17
Who was the young mau heard vowing vengeance against the young dentist? I am dis-Gus-ted. I thought ! he hnd a so(u)le above that The little man in the boot shop is very funny about the Star v. Clifton match. Does he suffer with his liver or his heart ? Curly Willie skipped his team well. How are you ? New Plymouth, through the extreme piety and marvellously elevated character of its inhabitants, can only just manage to keep one quadrille assembly in existence, and the best part of it is that that is by no means crowded to suffocation. The ruling spirit of this sublimely anti-orthodox movement — who, judging from hiß name and actions, possesses the wisdom *of the twelve men who bring in verdicts in Court — concluded to terminate the first quarter's performances with a tooutterly-too-too ' plain and fancy dress ball.' The happy night arrived, so did the brawny son of Vulcan, who on previous occasions elicited from that modern abomination, the piano, the sounds wbich ' put life and "mettle in their heels.' The blacksmith, not knowing to what extent he would be the richer for smiting: the key-board from 8 o'clock p.m. till 4 o'clock a.m., and haviug been sold on a previous occasion, resolved to make inquiries on the subject. He did so, and learned that he would stagger home about 4 o'clock in the morning under the tremendous weight of three half- crowns ! Thinking that he was able to cairy at least tour, and seeing* that the boss had opened hte heart inwards, and feeling that if he stayed he might'do the said boss an injunj, he adjusted his tile and adjourned to revell in the delights to be found by his ** am fireside.' Then the boss seized the aocordian, and, accompanied by a vamper, flooded the ' festive hall ' with harmonies' such as one individual swore he had not had the pleasure of hearing since the night when he was transported into unutterable ecstaoies by the last infuriated bellow of the old mad bull that was shot on the Waiwakaiho bridge. Some of the dancers, finding that, the accordian did not accord with the 'pianner ' according to their expectations, were disgusted accordingly. Rumour hath it that some of the couples indulged in sundry long and ardent embraces, hand-equeezings, and osculatory exercises ; but of course you know such disgraceful conduct is never displayed at public balls, so rumour must be wrong this twist. Of the feed, suffice it to say that it was a credit alike to , the promoters of the affair, to the jubilee year of; Taranaki, and to the land of oumi-oum and sour milk. It was gorgeous, and some gorged to an extent that has been profitable to Beecham. Allow me to inform you that bank clerks are not made of the ' common ' clay of which ' the man in the moon ' is composed. One of the hook and stroke makers, hearing that the Observer had immortalized him forever, bought a copy of that paper to see for himself the flattering article. He consoled himself and amused others by , saying that it did not matter, as this was the work of some common fellah. Bank clerks are not oommon, oh dear no ! Theyare just about as uncommon as 'geese with bare feet,' and children with unclean nasal organs in frosty weather.