SCARPOLOGY, OR THE SCIENCE OF OLD BOOTS

Dr Gatie, of Baei?, is the discoverer of Searpology, which is the science of old boots and shoes ; that is to say, those who are conversant with Searpology, are supposed to be enab ed to tell the chief characteristics of !nen •arid women by studying their „left-off boois and shoes. : For instance, "A discarded boot, the heel and sole of which show equal and even traces of hard work at'tqr^ two months' use, denotes its wearer to be, if a man, an energetic, determined and practical individual ; and if a woman, a faithful epouse, and au excellent household manager. A sole worn and' broken on tbe outside, deBotes a fanciful, capricious and visionary individual ; while the contrary betrays irresolution, weakness, and timidity. Boots whereof the outside soles and the edges of the toe-caps are worn away, show there owners to be everything th«t is bad, and capable of any crime up to murder." If there be any truth in Scarpology, or even if there is believed to be any truth in- it, society will certainly be revolutionized. Indeed, to contemplate the changeß it will make in social life ib most disturbing, so Dumerous will they be, and so fraught with serious consequences to everybouy. The unhappy individual who wears his boots away on the outside soles and edges of the loe-caps will be an outcast j for who would associate with with abeingwho is, "acarpologyically," "everything that is bad, and capable of any crime up to murder ?" Avoided and feared by all, what prospect is there for him, by which he can obtain a little peace, save to seek out some land where Scarpology is unknown ', Thus, he must tear himself away from hie native land ; from everything he holds dear, and ill on account of his boots ! / In courtship, what a deep signific ance will be attached to the boots of the interested parties ! Paterfamilias, instead of being anxious to know the worldly position of his prospective son-in-law, will be far more anxious k

make a miaute examinatiou of his boots Nor will tbo lover be \<w concerned about bis . inamorata's boots ; but to relieve tbe perturbed state ot I bis mind will require no little diplotnia^y. J£* vnll scarcely like to say, « Daare&t, may I look at a pair of y oar old boots V for such would imply a aoubfcaslftfcfee perfection, of his be- ' loved oa^'s character. ' In all probability, hewili--bri.be her maid, and, with a pair]of old boots tucked under his arm, hasten to his home, and, in the' privacy of bis chamber, tremblingly examine the articles upon tbe state of which hangs his whole future happiness. '■ „, A knowledge of Searpology wii* certainly, in many ways, save an infinity of trouble. ■ . Eor instance, in < n /aging domes acs, clerks, etc., you ne^d but see their old boots to know whether their cba actcrs are good or otherwise. ".A man is known by bis boots" will soon pass into a proverb. In courts of law boots will take a prominent place, and frequently have no little to do with the condemnation or acquittal of tbe accu nd. But, alas ! Searpology will tempt worthless characters to commit Irauds of-tho "blackest dye; for, undoubtedly, boots will soon be "doctored. We can ima^ino the following advertisement in the near future : We are now showing a lar^e sfcock of virtuous old Iboofcßinallszs, aud aeiUng at ruination prices. N. 8.-Any character mads to order." Thus, you will but have to buy a pair of "virtuous old boot*," and will then be able to pose as a saint, though you may be the deepest of eiuners. Yep, we fear that .Scarpol >«y, despite its many attractive features, -will P-ove a very demoralizing sciencp.