THEY SAY

— That Auckland is sadly at a loss how to celebrate the coronation. Let us raise another loan.

—That Amy Castles receives £100 for each concert, and ten per cent, of the takings. Gammon.

— That there is a local boom in polo ponies since (Jeneral Babington arrived. He is making a market.

That a Masterton mayoral candidate said the most pressing need of the people of that town was baths.

-That Mr Skeates is not building any more castles in the air on spec. The seat-buying investment did not turn up trumps altogether.

— That it is astonishing how ijuiet New Zealand has become now that Dick Seddon has really gone. What would we do without him 'i

— That the Defence Office is still a trifle mixed. In one gazette it publishes the resignation of an officer, and in the following one his appointment !

— That there is a. good story going the rounds about a pretty barmaid with a keen eye to business and a toosusceptible publican. No, it won't come to court.

— That pheasants in this country will soon become as extinct an the moa, thanks to the stoats and weasels imported and protected ijy a paternal Government.

— That the people of the right colour are staggered because the £3000 voted has not opened up the State coal mine. They have something to learn yet.

— That the latest society fad in Wellington is soap - bubble parties. The guests solemnly sit round the festive board with clay pipes and blow. New wing to Asylum required.

— That the Harbour Board is finding it necessary to engage a hieroglyphic expert to translate the rough minutes left by the departing secretary. James was surely very excited.

— That it is hard lines on a section of "the trade" when it is compelled to send lawyer's letters to its own clients to prevent them talking. 1b it six of one and half-a-dozen of the other?

— That if Dick Heddan's steamer had been within a hundred miles of Martinique, his political opponents would have accused him of having caused that eruption and the loss of those 40,000 lives.

— That Tommy Jackson, once our only tenor, is taking to himself a wife in London. The lady is Miss Emily Foxcroft, also a popular singer. As Tommy himself used to say, in his local auction room, " Going, goiiif, gone !"

— That it has started already. A 'bus from Potter's Paddock whs stopped on Saturday afternoon to enable a male and female passenger who had differed concerning one of the matches, to discuss the matter on the roadside.

— That the prospectus for the Mount Eden Electric Tramway and Power Syndicate, capital, one million, has not yet been issued, but is a sure thing, judging by the Edenites' talk. Better hurry before the mountain "busts."

— That a certain insurance manager greatly en joyed a brace of pheasants that were left at the office a few days ago. Since then, it has come to the knowledge of one of the clerks that they were intended for him, but he does not dare say a word. After all, such tempting things as pheasants should be properly addressed.

—That if Tairua Broken Hills go to a pound H. A. Gordon is to get a new hat. Good-bye to the old land mark.

—That Austin Walsh is a reliable authority on architects and their fees at the present moment. He has been paying for his experience.

— That the Strand Arcade restaurant has fitted up ping-pong as an additional attraction to diners. Just as if people could eat ping-pong balls.

— That the local crank who imagined he had four millions in one of the local banks was moderate in his madness. He was willing to take a modest ten shillings to go on with.

— That one of the planks in the platform of that newly-formed institution—tlie Wellington Domestic Servants' Union — is " no night dinners." Joyful iiews for the restaurants.

—That, as King Dick gets nearer Home, King Edward's personality materially shrivels, if London papers are to be believed. Also, Joe Chamberlain is ordering smaller hats.

— That the Prohibitionists are not looking happy since it was announced that J. G. Woolley cannot come. After all, they will have to fall back on good old William Richardson again.

— That there is every prospect of a tinu and immediate revival of interest in mining speculation in Auckland. The sharebrokers are looking brighter already.

—That the ping- pong craze has seized Auckland with a vengeance. Tournaments are in progress every night, and people have been discovered who actually declare that they enjoy them.

— That one Ransome has been telling the English people that Dick Seddon uttered ' this sentiment :— "I am •an Imperialist because England buys our mutton." Rough on King Dick. 8

— That strong endeavours are being made to discover what became of a subscription fund raised for a certain deserving object, months and months ago. It's an ill wind that blows nobody good.

—That a funny young man went to the trouble of issuing invites to a pingpong party purporting to come froui'a certain house. The guests turned up, and a big placard, "To Let," stared them in the face.

—That Michael Dineen U'Keeffe is to have a turn with the Waihi Company before the Arbitration Court uext Monday. Breaches of award alleged. But "can you tell us the price of a sitting hen ?"

— That there is a fair prospect of peace at Fiji now that Sir George O'Brien has been i recalled, Mr Seddon has gone to the Coronation, and Sir Henry Berkeley has been sent to Hongkong. Somebody was far-seeing.

— That a Wellington lady actually led her eldest daughter and her in tended before one of the best-known Js.P., and made the Hushing youth swear an aJhdavit that he would have nothing to do with the other girl.

— That a Woodville farmer, disgusted with jthe treatment he received from the local free/ing monopoly, sent a shipment of freezers to the Canterbury market, and received us a head more than he was offered at Woodville.

—That Mt Bart. Kent wan the most disappointed man in Auckland when lie heard that Amy Castles had a full house. The public didn't doubt his criticism, taken from the Australian papers, but they wanted to hear for themselves.

/ — That some of the speculators In the Amy Castles Concert Company's tickets "fell in" rather badly. A number of them re-sold stalls tickets for 3s, others for 2s, and some even disposed of them at Is 6d.

— That the Mayor of Devonport had a narrow escape of being indicted for cruelty to animals by leaving the spread of metal on Duder's Hill miblinded for a week, to the distress of the horses that had to climb the hill. The shell came just in time.