NOTABILLA

— A Godalming man has recovered from an impediment in his speech by cutting his throat.

— " Not ded but gon ahed "is the inscription on a Deadwood tombstone.

—An old lady once remarked to her doctor that she suffered so much with sore feet. "Pooh," said the doctor, "you would suffer a deal more without them." Moral— Take care of your feet, and get your boots made by Garrett Bros.. Wakefield-street, which, hy keeping your feet dry, will enable you to live to a good old age.

—A hot day on the banks of the Thames. Tea for four. Oiie of the pai ty, on looking into the milk jug, finds three flies. " Hi, waiter, bring another fly !" —It is stated Mr. Waters, the well-known confectioner of Queen-street, after hearing one of Proctor's lectures, remarked, "Well, after oil, the world is only a big turnover, and if Hudson's celebrated Baking 1 Powder had been used when it was made, the earth would now be so jolly light that no sun would be required."

—A father lately induced a croupy little boy to make a healthy meal of buckwheat cakes and molasses, but the latter proved to be syrup of squills. The boy said he thought something ailed the molasses the very minute his father told him to eat all he wanted.

—Mr. T. W. Hickson, impelled by the exigencies of a rapidly increasing- business, has removed from his late address (South British Chambers), to more capacious offices in the building hitherto occupied by Messrs. Hoffman and Sons.

— Messrs. Brown and Campbell's magnificent brewery at Parnell, under the careful management of Mr. Suiter, is a model of cleanliness, and well worthy the inspection of visitors to our city.

— "I know a smoker "who has not tasted food for thirty years !" said a lecturer. " How's that ?" asked a listener. "Because," was the reply, "he's been dead that period— killed, it is said, in consequence of smoking other tobacco than that sold by Partridge and Woollams, of Queen-street."

— "What are you doing here?" said a policeman of a tramp, who was found curled up in a Fortstreet store the other day. " Laying in a store for a rainy day," was the reply.

— " Dear Jane, on no account let Charles kiss you when you are courting." "No, ma, dear," was the reply of the dutiful daughter, " I never do ; when he's here we have a chair between us." Since the above conversation, Mr. Singleton, the jeweller, of Victoriastreet, has received a liberal order for the wedding presents.

— "Take me to see some places of interest," she said. And, of course, he took her the round of the money-lenders' offices.

— "He lillctli the hungry with good things," and Mr. Ford, the tailor, in Queen-street (next to the Singer Sewing Machine Depot), makes stout and durable garments for "them, on most reasonable terms.

— It is said the postal-card has decreased the sale of writing paper 12,000,000d015. annually in the United States.

— The other day Mr. Harry Richmond, the popular host of the Nevada Hotel/ was asked if be believed in spirits, and would he join Madnine Wilmot's next seance. He replied, " Well, I don't want to se-aunts or uncles, but Ido believe in spirits. Come in, dear boy. and take a ply of whisky." —"Never kick a man when he is goingdown the hill." He may be on the up-grade to-morrow, nd give you a racket which you will despise.

— C. A. Goodson is removing to Hoffmann s Buildings. 111, Queen-street, will be closed from Thursday evening, and tbe "London Arcade" (late Hoffmann's) will be opened on Saturday preparatory to the grand opening show week, commencing Monday, May the 23rd.

— The sales of tea achieved by Messrs, Tonks and Co. are wonderful. On Tuesday this firm disposed of no less than 110 half-chests and 250 boxes.

— Mr. Varnom now occupies the premises formerly known as "Dampier's Corner," and oilers drapery goods at prices hitherto unprecedented in Auckland.

What a little gem is T. B. Hill's Toilet Almanack, which he distributes gratuitously to all. It contains a description of all his specialities in the medicine line, as well as many domestic family requisites of acknowledged merit. The liook is accompanied by a miniature lnerticine-chest guide, invaluable to all persons residing away from medical f.id. Country residents should call at Mr. Hill's drug store, opposite tbe Theatre Royal, and obtain one of these books before they are all gone.

— Christofani and Co.'s Waxwork Exhibibition is open at the Albert Hall. It contains figures representing personages only known by repute to many of our fellow citizens. The Victorian bushranger, Ned Kelly, and his gang are shown in their first encounter with the police, and also in the last scene at Gleiirowan where Ned Kelly was captured by Sergeant Sfceele and Guard Dowsett. The outlaw is depicted in a fac-simile of the amour worn by him at the time. The death scene of the Prince Imperial attracts considerable attention, also noticeable is the Greer and Soudry shooting affair in the opera. The other figures, of which there are a considerable number, are well executed, and the exhibition is well worth a visit from old and young.

' — To Messrs. Kohn Bros, belongs the credit of introducing into New Zealand a patent key-ring, which even the most careless man will find it difficult to lose. The invention consists of a neat little chain with clasps, &c, on which a lot of keys can easily be hung. To this is attached a brightly burnished steel label, on one side of which is engraved " Kohn Bros., Auckland,'" and on the other a number and " Five Shillings Reward." The meaning, of course, is that anyone finding the keys will receive live shillings reward on returning them to Messrs. Kohn Bros., and the number shows that firm "to whom they belong. The device, which is singularly simple and clever, has been adopted by the banks and nearly all business men in town.