POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

Ite Percy Flage.

Our fortune-tellers would seem to be growing careless. We thought that every intelligent person could pick out a police matron. ■ « , «i « Another international triumph for Uncle Sam; His Federal debt, exceeding 29,000 million dollars, is the greatest in history. « *> • If an increase in pay for the Fascist soldiery in East Africa does not ward o/T sunstroke, Mussolini might usefully try a diet of chilled beef or frozen mutton. • * a ft Solicitor ■ (Tottenham Police Court): After he blacked your eye, split your lip, and knocked you down, did he speak to you? Yes—he told me to go before ho lost his temper. * «• <i ' NEW AGRICULTURAL PROBLEM. The following from "Buffalo Evening News" I thought might be accept able for your column:— The farmer's life is full of grief And viewed with great alarmHe is so keen to get relief He has no time to farm. ANON. « -»■ « JAM CUPBOARD RECIPE. From "Phillida" of the ."Sunday Express.":— They will leave the covers off the jam. And when I was inspecting the jam cupboard last week I found that, it had gone dry and sugary. Instead of boiling it up again I put it in the oven until the sugar melted, put on fresh covers, and left it to cool. Now it's all right again. ' ■ So far, our jam cuboard has never behaved like that, » '. #'' * \ HEAVER . An American itinerant preacher,. ro» cently in Australia, has been looking into an important matter, and emerges from his investigation with some informing facts and figures. \ "Heaven," he told an ' audience; : "is a city 15,000 miles square, or 6000 miles around. One side is 245, miles longer than the entire length of the Great Wall of China, Walls surrounding Heaven are 396,000 times higher than the G.W.C. and eighty 'times as thick. Heaven has twelve gates, three on each side, and lias room for 100,000,000,000 souls. There are no slums. The entire city is .built of diamond material, and the streets are paved with gold. All inhabitants are honest, and there are no lock-ups, no courts, and .no police-' men." . ■ . We thought Postscripters would be interested to have this information, which is published without prejudice. « « «t ' ■ SCHOOL'S IN. Do you know that— '(1) In the London Zoo are snails with a six-inch long shell which eat a large lettuce each daily and lay egg 3 having *hard shells? (2) The number of deaths reported to London Coroners last year was .8548, and inquests were held in 3455 cases, at a cost of £35,676? '■■:..• (3) Last -.year-more than three tons of raw'opium was" seized in Hong Kong in one raid?' '" ■ •' ■ (4) Among the customs of the Daoyas, a Himalayan tribe,' are a dance of monks, that lasts three days, and eating elephants shot with poisoned arrows? . (5) Each plate of tho famous Crown dinner service of solid gold at Buckingham Palace is said to be worth £450? .. :■•■■■■- . (6) The second'largest . meteorite known, weighing 70Qlbs, has been dug up from a ploughed field near Hugtown, Kansas? , ' (7) One of the world's most pampered frogs is an albino, a pale saffron* tinted specimen with bulging pink eyes, which lives under glass in the American Musem of Natural History of New1 York? He is biologically important. (8) The "income" of New York's municipal subway, since it opened in 1933, has included J,560,000 slugs dropped into turnstiles in place of djmes? ''■■', - '' (9) Rhenen, on the Rhine, has one thousand live crocodiles in tropical surroundings in its Zoo? (10) The Arnull family provided the rider, of the winner of the English Derby twelve times between 1780 and 1814? if » ' . «• BALLADE OF A MAGIC-WORKER'S RETURN. Maybe you find the world is still A little harsh, a trifle cold, For all you labour with a will ' A more enheartening view to hold. Perhaps your better half's a scold, . From morn till evening raising Cain. Take heart. Hope's pinions will unfold When Mr. Forbes comes home again. Is life for you a bitter pill? .Has some knave with a suave.smile sold You, sir, the pup unspeakable? Has Winter soured your garden mould? Has a gross hound insanely rolled ■ Upon your pansies—to your pain? Cheer up. The clouds will turn to gold When Mr, Forbes comes home again. Jack will be favoured by his Jill, The old will be no longer old, Joy will come leaping o'er the hill In ecstasy quite uncontrolled, The gloom-bugs who have lately; strolled The town like glowering Dons of Spain Will all be shatteringly clean bowled When Mr. Forbes comes home again. Envoi . Dubb, be not cozened or cajoled: The darksome ways will be made plain (Or so our maiden aunt was told) When Mr. Forbes comes home again. <:-..« « I ' "FLIMSIES." "A Reader" presents his compliments to Mr. Flage, and. begs to refer to Mr. Flage's talc of the member oC Parliament who waved two "flimsies"' in the sight of the House. The nearest dictionary slates that "flimsy" means a bank-note, or reporters' copy written on thin paper; but neither meaning seems to fit the story. Will Mr. Flage be so good as to supply the meaning of the word, and at the same time explain.' how it comes to have the meaning he attaches to it? If, as seems possible, the reference intended is to feminine underwear, will Mr. Floge also say whether Mr. Speaker said "Order!"? (1) Mr. Flage salutes "A Reader" and begs to state that "flimsy" is a newspaperman's term for a news telegram. It is so called because it is irritatingly thin and crinkly, and frequently moves shortrtempered subeditors—who have to fill in the message—to blasphemy. (2) Our hero was too elderly (and proper) to be caught, ns it were, in possession of feminine underwear. P.S. —This information was not ob« tamed from either the nearest, or the*