POLITICAL QUIPS.

FROM VARIOUS PLATFORMS.

LIGHTER SIDE OF POLITICS.

" NOT SO GOOD."

Sir James Gunson, Reform candidate for Auckland Suburbs, was speaking of the serious decline in prosperity under the Labour Government in Queensland, when an interjector at his meeting at Avondale Flats on Saturday night called "Queensland is all right! 1 worked there for 25 years!" Sir James: When did you leave? "I came over on the last boat." Sir James: But why did you leave Queensland ? "Things used to be good, but to-day they are not so good." (Loud laughter.) Sir James: Ah, I think you will be another convert! (Applause.) "YOU'VE GOT BRAINS." "You'll be all right. You haven't had a fair go yet; but wait till you do go to Parliament, you'll show 'em because you've got brains: Good on you, Mr. Speirs," called a labouring man at the United candidate's meeting in All Saints' Hall, Ponsonby, on Saturday evening. Mr. Speirs had answered several questions and had made a favourable impression by his straightforward replies. "1 differ from him in politics," said another Labour supporter after the meeting, "but by Jove he's a good chap and as straight as a die. I like the way he answers questions. It's a pity he's not on our side." A VOLUNTEER VALET. "The Government found it pretty hard to raise the last £5,000,000!" shouted an interjector on Saturday night when Sir James Gunson was dealing with finance at Avondale Flats. Sir James: No, my friend, you are not correctly informed. It was subscribed seven times over, at the lowest rate of interest known in recent years. I know, because I was in London at the time. A Voice: Any chance of going with you next time, Jimmy? Sir James: Yes, come as my secretary. "No, valet will do me." (Laughter.) Sir Jameß: Well, have it that way if you like. AN HOUR A WEEK PENANCE. "Put a kick in," said Mr. John Burns, United party candidate for Wellington South, when he warmed up to his version of the flour tax question at a meeting at Island Bay. "Some of you chaps don't know that you are giving an hour a week by way of penance to enable Coates and his party to hold office. A family man pays enough in his bread tax to equal an hour's work a week." POUNDS AND GUINEAS. A man standing at the back of the hall at Mr. Sloane's meeting became slightly tangled over pounds and guineas when addressing a question to the candidate, says the Wellington "Post?' Mr. Sloane had said earlier in the evening that the Reform Government had not reduced wages. "Well, how is it," asked the questioner rather excitedly, "that when they took over the Hutt bus service the wages of the drivers were reduced from £5 5/ to five guineas 1"

There was loud laughter, and it was some time before the questioner was able to correct himself.

OPPOSING THE SPEAKER. "It is absurd for Sir Charles Stathain to say that it was not .the desire of the official Labour party that he should have to contest this election," said Mr. J. Robinson, the Labour party candidate f° r Dunedin Central the other night. "The official Labour party decided to contest all the city seats; nominations for selection were called for; two candidates were nominated for Dunedin Central; a postal ballot was taken, and I was selected to contest the seat. In the face of that, how can any reasonable man pretend to believe that the official Labour party does not desire to oppose Sir Charles Statham? Perhaps the wish is father to the thought." CAN'T GO WRONG# Discussing the United party's borrowing proposal at his meeting at Georgetown, Mr. S. M. Macalister, Reform candidate for Invercargill, likened it to the popular jazz song about "Fifty Million Frenchmen Can't go Wrong." "It appears," remarked Mr. Macalister, amid ldughter, "that seventy million sovereigns can't go wrong." VILLAGE PUMP POLITICS. "Apparently the Reform party think more of geographical considerations than of political ability," said a Marsden elector, who called at the "Star" office to-day. "Look at this circular, distributed throughout the electorate." The circular states: "To the Marsden elector. Do you want the Prime Minister of New Zealand to come from North Auckland (Mr. Coates), Southland (Sir Joseph Ward), Westland (Mr. Holland) ? Gordon Coates, New Zealand's Prime Minister, was born and bred on the North Auckland Peninsula. Vote for his supporter, W. Jones." "Mr. Coates' supporters may be politically incompetent," observed the elector, "but because their party leader was born on the North Auckland Peninsula, people are told to vote for them. What are we coming to?"