THE SUNDOWNER'S SWAG.

, "Kirn hup, Neddy." "Old Stories Re-told."

I have had all the poesy knocked out of me that I had managed to put together during a moonlight " meet me alone " in the domain. I had worked up what |I considered a splendid ode to my "Ladye Fayre's" chignon, in which I had made beautiful play upon the words hair,, fair, stare, blare, glare, and grey mare, and was just turning up the concluding stanza when my eye fell upon the dilapidated remains of the Storeyan " squirt." = This sight brought me down ker-whop from the heights of Parnassus to the depths of art as exemplified by the hands of Storey through the medium of the domain " squirt." Honor bright, now, " 'pOn me say so!" wasn't the sight of that uhornamental, unuseful, unpicturesque wreck of what should be—and doubtless was intended to "be by the Domain Board—a thing of prettiness and utility,' enough to knock the saucepans of " sweet meandering thought" off the " lambent fires of poesy ?" To 'descend to plain English— isn't it enough to put any | fellow's pipe out ? I shall hunt up my did crony Garwood ; this sort of thing must not be allowed to continue as it is; lovers' walks mast not have all the sentiment damped out by Storey's wretched ; "squirt;" I object to a decidedly picturesque public resort being spoilt by > Storey's unhahdiwork in the '• squirt" business ; I protest, emphatically protest, against the "squirt,"; and its surroundings being left in its present disg-aceful state. Brother' Storey, a-hem! I wish to enjoy, without having my sight offended, my stroll "in the domain with—a-hem—because, I believe that—

"Fee simpWiand a simple fee, And alHhe fees in tail, Afe nothing when compared to thee, Thou best of fees—female." ..;•■> i We are stagnating. Everything is stagnating except the-words and ! actions of the body of patriots, composing the Borough Council. We are not, I am afraid, so thankful as we should be to these "toilers for the public weal" for the services they perform in keeping us fro** stagnating thorougMy. : This writing of things pertaining to stagnation, brings to my. mind the fact the oracles of forensic municipal wisdomj like Tennyson's •'The Brook," f *chatter, chatter as they flow" on with their small, talk, respecting paltry matters of detail, yet" neglect

matters of vital importance to the health and well-doing of the borough which is placed by the burgesses under their sapient control. Stagnating forces me to think of the different streams, now nearly stagnant, which permeate Akaroa. ~ Let me ask my old flame Venus, the Herring that frightened Venlis, the Venus Colt, and bashfully modest Screecher, if the petty matters which they make so much hullabaloo over are of that paramount public importance as is the having of the streams, supplying so man}' householders, free from filth, garbage, and decomposing animal and vegetable refuse ? This .is not the first time I have had a sling in at the shamefully neglected condition of tbe banks beds of these streams, and I heartily wish I could think this would be my last growl over that bone of contention. As I said before, we are, not. thankful enough, perhaps, for the small mercies bestowed upon us by the Council,, but how thankful I, for one, would be to the in if I could get purer water with the whisky of Rodrigues to which latter thy detractors" say I am so partial. Although "I do my level best, yet. L, k/iow .I, am not as., was,the, genius wh<>— j '. „:•. • -' .': i.' I: a v "Bade power turn' pale, kept mighty rogues in awe, -.;Aiid;made them fear the penj who fe|r'd not law."

" Any excuse is better than none at all." My impecunioua friend Knickers is certainly of the. above opinion, for\he is, without doubt, the most skilful coiner of excuses that I know of. I thought I was a good hand at " shuntipg a : dun," but, -'* Lord love yer," I' cannot come within'cooey of Knickers. -At the little game I speak of Knickers is a better .inventor than Edison or "any oder man." Any event that.happens jn Europe, whether it is in the shape of a colliery, steamboat, or financial disaster, Knickers at once seizes upon, and informs his creditors that—" Haw, weally, if it had not been for that unfortunate occurrence at home, which you must have read of, and in which a relative of his got jammed"up, he certainly would have had his remittance out by this last mail, but really" these dreadful disasters do so upset one's friends that—well, haw, you know, out of sight out of mind, one is forgotten." This to one creditor, and something similar, with variations, to ■ another, and so another month is tided over. The Glasgow Bank failure was a kind of god-send to Knickers, for he played upon that string for two or three"mails. The number of relatives he had who suffered through that unfortunate swindling affair beats my powers bf" computation, but not Knickers'; -he varied them beautifully/ aud told'his tale 1 in so lachrymose, a manner that. most., of the duns went away, pitying hfm, - I thought when the Bank business was .played out that Knickers would be dead broke, but no, he is still to the fore,' -and "right as rain," for I heard him the other' day stave off a long-suffering creditor by telling him " that that confounded Afghan war was the cause of his remittance not coming by the last mail." Knickers and I know— "How easy 'tis, when destiny proves kind, ... With full-spread sails to run- before the wind; '-•".'•. But they who 'gainst stiff sales laveeriuggo, .-.-.. ~ .Must be at once resolved and skilful -too."

All of whic i brings to my mind the distracted state in which I found my crony Teach, a few daj r s stnce. said I: " : Why Teach, my frolicsome kangaroo,' what is disturbing the serenity of- your classical brow ? Has anj'one gone for you ? ' Anyone levanted ? Is it twins, a wedding in the family, or what other exhilarating thing is the matter with you that .makes you. so' lugubrious?" "Jack," was the doleful rejoinder, *• I have been had two colonial roberts by that tol-de-rol friend of yours, old Mic'awbcr, and .1 have a good mind to drop you a hot un for being one of the same kidney." " Oh, bang it all." said I, ,'" don't visit the' sins "of old Micawber upon me. I know that,; like his illustrious namesake, he is always expecting ' something to turn up ' to his advantage." "Turnup," ejaculated Teaoh, "I would just like to have a turn up with;him for five minutes, why the old you know what has telegraphed a collect telegram to me asking for the loan of four pounds; and they would not give me the telegram until I had paid the two shillings on it. If I had only known, I would hare paid that money, wouldn't I rather. I would have run after them with it, I would "-" Never mind, Teach," I said, "perhaps it is better to have paid the two shillings than have loaned the larger sum, which I- am sure you have not done. As a balm to ■ your injured feelings, and as a leaf out of Jack Sundowner's book, I will recite to you Judy's lines on tbis ' subject, somewhat altered from Moore ; they run thus:— * " I never found a bosom friend—

A sympathetic heart— But he would ask me straight to lend, And think I ought to part.

Such knowledge comes to every soul In this dull world of sorrow, Therefore, I think, upon the whole, Tis better far to borrow."

Good bye.